The Four Words that Saved My Life - Letter from Izabella Borowiak-Miller
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I am the oldest of 14 kids. I make good grades and I work hard at everything but I struggle and fail daily. I am diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety and OCD. The best three, I know right?
Last November before my 20th birthday, I planned on killing myself. I felt I was worth nothing and had no purpose. I didn’t know what to do anymore. I felt as if I were a robot. I was working 80 hours a week and sleeping the rest. I was so lost that I dug myself into a deep well of depression.
Then as I was driving to work one night, I hit a deer, of all things. The very first thing that came to mind was, “Thank God, I’m alive.”
Those four words changed my entire life. Deep down I wanted to live. Deep down I wanted to praise God. Deep down, I knew I was headed down the wrong path, but I needed to hit rock bottom in order to see that.
I went home that night and borrowed my brother’s car and on my way to work, I could not stop crying with joy. I was so thankful that God hadn’t given up on me like I did Him. I forgot all my catechism because I let the devil over power my thoughts and inhibitions. A light bulb was turned on for the first time in a long time that night. I started to remember my pre-first communion classes. I started to remember the very basics of what I had been taught but forgot. God made me. God made me so that I can praise Him forever and ever. God does not need me but He wants me.
I was made for a purpose. I was made to be something. God didn’t just randomly make me because He was bored.
That fateful day, I met my best friend. She was a co-worker and we had passed by each other but never talked until that day. I believe our guardian angels led us to one another for she knew that something was different about me that night. She's helped me tremendously find my faith and grow stronger since then. I found a shred of myself that had been covered in dust and locked away. I started writing again. I started to reach out to my friends and stop neglecting their friendship. I now know that I am here to fight for what is right. I know I must set an example for my younger siblings and that is my duty.
It pains me to look back and see how wrong and lost I was. I can see now the benefits of going through that. I can see how it led me to a stronger relationship with Jesus and Mary and God and the Holy Ghost. It led me to go on a retreat in New York, a place I had never been. It led me to meet people I would not have because of my mental walls of depression.
I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me. I feel lighter and happier than I have in a long time. Praise be to God. Thank you Guardian Angel and thank you God for everything! I can only pray to grow closer to You everyday!
Thank you, reader, for taking the time to read my story. I hope I can help others through my experiences.
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Full name: Izabella Borowiak-Miller
State-in-life / Occupation: Legal Secretary
Location: Lawrence, KS
Educational background (If you attended school): I have an associates from Johnson County Community College and I am currently attending the University of Kansas.
How does your Catholic faith affect the way you live your day-to-day life?
My faith is what helps me get through the day. Each morning I pray the rosary and throughout the day I am constantly finding myself reciting prayers for comfort. God has gifted me with the faith. Through the faith I am able to fight for Pro-Life and other controversial topics because I have my faith to back me up and guide me.
Has there been a particular teaching of the Church that has intimately transformed the way you see yourself and others?
Ephesians 6:11 “Put you on the armour of God, that you may be able to stand against the deceits of the devil.  For our wrestling is not against flesh and blood; but against principalities and powers, against the rulers of the world of this darkness, against the spirits of wickedness in the high places.  Therefore take unto you the armour of God, that you may be able to resist in the evil day, and to stand in all things perfect.  Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of justice,  And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace:
 "In the high places": or heavenly places. That is to say, in the air, the lowest of the celestial regions; in which God permits these wicked spirits or fallen angels to wander.
 In all things taking the shield of faith, wherewith you may be able to extinguish all the fiery darts of the most wicked one.  And take unto you the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit (which is the word of God).  By all prayer and supplication praying at all times in the spirit; and in the same watching with all instance and supplication for all the saints:  And for me, that speech may be given me, that I may open my mouth with confidence, to make known the mystery of the gospel.  For which I am an ambassador in a chain, so that therein I may be bold to speak according as I ought.”
This excerpt from the Bible has put perspective to my life. I am not here for fun. I am here to praise our Lord and get to heaven. I may have to die for my faith and I am OK with that. This Bible excerpt helped me grow stronger and realize that the devil will act in any means necessary to win but God will always remain true.
What’s your favorite way to pray? With my family
What aspect of your life right now do you find the most beautiful? The most challenging?
The most challenging is trying to figure out what I what to be. I am so scared I'll make the wrong choice and not listen to God correctly. I don't know if I am being called to be a lawyer or a nun.
How is Jesus challenging you to greater love in your current place in life?
He is helping me through Patience and love for one another even if they are a bad person. I have really been struggling with gossiping but I have praying and working hard to stop.
What’s your favorite way to spend a Saturday off?
Watching Netflix with friends or hanging out with my family!
Tell us about a woman who inspires you.
Mother Teresa has always inspired me to do better and to aspire to change the world
Fill in the blank.
I’m currently obsessed with: the show Designated Survivor!
I feel most inspired when: I pray or read an article or listen to a podcast
My favorite part about my life right now is: making new friends in college
The advice I would give to the millennial Catholic woman is: to stay true to yourself and your beliefs and keep family close. It is hard to fall into temptation and I have but it's worth it when you don't.