Trusting in God with My Son's Health
A Letter from Wendy Castillo
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Dearest Sisters in Christ,
Have you ever had one of those desperate cries to God? The type of desperate (literal) cry where you don’t even know what to say, you’re just pleading to feel something…hear something back from him. Perhaps you’ve experienced that desperation that makes you grasp firmly to God but feel like He’s completely silent and your grip isn’t strong enough. Yet, you keep praying...you keep seeking…you keep reaching out for him. You’re not alone. The fear of the unknown and all the doubt that lies within our human hearts is no match for God’s unwavering love. I don’t know about you but for me trusting God completely, is a work in progress. It is not an easy task to say, “Yes, God. Take control." We want God to be gentle and giving to our hearts desires. And, our desires for control and quick fixes intensify when we’re praying for something that is causing suffering and havoc in our heart. When you think God is silent and inattentive, God is producing a great harvest of faith in your heart. He listens attentively and fights the battle with us. I can tell you this with confidence because I’ve experienced God’s amazing labor in my heart.
In December 2015 my son started experiencing medical problems. He was two and a half months at the time. I remember looking forward to his first Christmas. My heart was filled with joy and hope for the future. On Christmas Day he began to experience seizures. At first, they were mild, to the point where we weren’t sure what was happening. Once at the hospital, he began to have several seizures a day. It was frightening and heartbreaking to see. There were so many unknowns. All the medical tests that he was given did not reflect that anything was wrong but the seizures continued. The uncertainties with his diagnosis, all the medications and prognosis settled a great fear of the future in my heart.
(Page 2) That December, doubt and fear creeped in with a horrible fury. I was in a serious battle. God tenderly, and with marvelous victory, fought this battle with me. Thankfully my son’s treatment and prognosis improved greatly. Still, during those times of desperate cries, my weeping voice was silent but my heart yelled as loud as it could for God to deliver me. The fear of the unknown, the fear of suffering and not getting what I want was blinding me from all the mercies and grace he was already placing in front of me. I thought about our blessed Mother Mary and her “yes” to God. How beautifully brave and tender she was. God needed her, and she said yes without hesitation. Her heart was torn by the greatest pain, and yet, she endured the suffering with confidence.
I thought about our blessed Mother Mary and her “yes” to God. How beautifully brave and tender she was. God needed her, and she said yes without hesitation. Her heart was torn by the greatest pain, and yet, she endured the suffering with confidence.
Before my son was born, my husband and I were talking about what we would name our baby. My husband was going through a rough time and I remember reading this scripture to him, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9) – we were moved and knew God wanted us to remember these words always. We named our son Joshua.
God speaks these words to my heart daily. I’m constantly learning how to say “yes, God. I trust you." I’m still afraid and I still doubt. God is so merciful and patient, though. He does not and will not get tired of fighting battles with us. Loud and clear he tells us, DO NOT BE AFRAID! Be strong and courageous. May you remember that He is willing to be patient with your struggles, whatever they may be. I pray, that when you’re consumed with fear and/or doubt, you allow God to hold you in his mighty grip of grace and love.
Get to know Wendy
Tell us a little bit about yourself!
Hello! My name is Wendy Castillo and I am 30 years old. I am a California transplant living in Oahu, Hawaii. My husband and I have been married for almost 6 years and were in a long-distance relationship for about 5 years before getting married. It was tough, but we give all the credit to God for helping us through it. Now, we have an amazing two-year-old son.
I am a special education teacher for mild/moderate disabilities, but I am currently doing a long-term substitute position at a private Catholic school in a second-grade classroom. I absolutely love it!