Being His Hands and Feet in a Bustling ICU
Letter from Alexis Paules
Photo by Chelsey Shortman
Dear Friends,
Even as a child my family could see that I was a nurturer; I could constantly be found taking care of a doll or stuffed animal in a gentle and intentional manner. The desire to provide them with a safe, loving, comfortable environment was certainly within me! I can vividly remember the day that I put on a full wedding ceremony for two of my teddy bears. I simply thought they both deserved to love and be loved, so I made them outfits, rolled out an isle of toilet paper, wrote vows down on a tiny book for my American Girl doll priest to read, and made a congregation full of other toys I loved.
As I grew older, this desire to care for others did not fade, although I did learn to channel it differently! I became involved in community service, taught CCD classes for my church, and spent time with the elderly at our local aged care facility. Throughout high school, the question of vocation tossed and turned in my head. All that I knew was that I wanted to spend every day taking care of others in a tangible way, holding their hands, hearing their stories, and helping improve their situation in any way that I could.
Eventually, after years of hard work and preparation in school, I was officially nurse Alexis! Sunday, November 10th of 2019 was my first shift working at the hospital on my own- the moment for which I had waited for so long; it was finally the opportunity to take care of others to the best of my ability. That day I went to work determined- determined to not make mistakes, to speak clearly and with confidence to the doctors, to give all of my medications on time, to have all of my documentation spick spot and span, and to leave that day feeling like I conquered the shift and I could be a nurse on my own. My shift started at seven o’clock that morning, and later that afternoon, I could be found buzzing around my patient’s room. With a straight face, I was going down my check-lists of tasks that I needed to do for my patient. On that day, my patient was in a comatose state- he was unresponsive and was connected to a ventilator, a breathing machine, that was keeping him alive in hopes that he would get better. I was bustling around the room incredibly focused on my list of tasks while my patient was lying there in the hospital bed in what was most likely the most vulnerable and difficult time in his life. Yes, it is a sad picture.
I was in the middle of administering medications when I turned to look up and I saw that a priest was standing in the doorway of my patient’s room. He was holding a Bible in one hand, holy oil in the other, and smiled at me with a soft grin. I was so thrown out of my ICU nurse mindset that I actually dropped my medications and froze looking at him. I asked if he was there for my patient to which he replied, “yes!” My patient’s family was Catholic and called the hospital to have them give my patient the Anointing of the Sick, one of the seven sacraments of the Catholic Church. I cleared everything I was working with from around the patient and I pulled the curtain closed in his room, stepped back, and allowed the priest to administer the sacrament. I watched as the priest rubbed the oil on his palms and across his forehead, noticing for the first time that morning that my patient had smile lines on the corners of his mouth and wrinkles on the outside of his eyes, indicating that perhaps his days were full of laughter prior to his hospitalization. I watched then as the priest reached out and grabbed my patients hand with his bare, ungloved hand, and began to recite the words to the Lord’s Prayer. I instinctually followed suit and joined in the prayer.
It was in that moment that I felt an immense gladness and sadness sweep over me all at once. I closed my eyes and cried. With tears streaming down my face, I realized that in the chaos of my orientation and my first day on my own, I had become so focused on the care I was providing for my patients that I completely overlooked caring for my patients. I hadn't taken the time to hold their hand and share in their suffering, like I dreamed of as a little girl. In the few moments that the priest had been with my patient, he cared for my patient in a way I hadn’t- he cared for my patient’s spirit. With eyes full of tears, I looked at the priest who asked what was the matter. All I could explain was that for all I knew prior to his arrival my patient didn’t have family, but now I know that he does have a family, and one that loves him enough to call and make sure a priest saw him and administered this sacrament to him. I explained to the priest that I felt humbled and honored to be trusted with this person’s life, and that I was thankful for the moment of prayer in my stressful and busy day.
Handwritten quote from the writer
To this day, I believe that God led that priest to my patient’s room that afternoon not only for my patient, but also for me. I had completely lost sight of the reasons I had decided to be a nurse in the first place, and nearly separated my natural disposition towards nurturing from my work entirely. From that moment on, I have taken a moment at the start of each shift to recognize that nursing is now my ministry. God is trusting that I be His hands, feet, and face, in a bustling ICU where perhaps He wouldn’t otherwise be found. He is calling me to look at my patients as people, to hold their hand, to speak to them even if they are unresponsive, and to recognize the privilege and honor to finally follow my call to nurture and care for others through being a nurse. Now, if I ever feel myself getting focused on mental check-lists of tasks I need to accomplish in my patient’s rooms and feel as though I am running around their room becoming overwhelmed, I pause. I will stand still in my patients room, and depending on whether or not they are conscious I will pray out loud at their bedside or in my head nearby for my patient and all of their loved ones. I take a moment to see my patient as a human person and allow myself to go about my tasks again, this time remembering their dignity in the process.
With Care,
Alexis Paules
About the Writer: Alexis Paules
Alexis Paules is a new college graduate from the Catholic University of America who is currently working as an ICU nurse in Washington D.C. She is elated to share that she just married her best friend and boyfriend of nearly eight years this past week! Alexis loves a hot cup of tea, baking, singing and dancing around her apartment, spending time with friends and family and finding ways to make those around her laugh. She is excited for all that this new year will bring and can’t wait to explore this new path to holiness called marriage!
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For Your Reflection:
Take a moment to meditate on this quote from St. Teresa of Avila
"Christ has no body now but yours.
No hands, no feet on earth but yours.
Yours are the eyes through which he looks compassion on this world.
Yours are the feet with which he walks to do good.
Yours are the hands through which he blesses all the world.
Yours are the hands, yours are the feet, yours are the eyes, you are his body.
Christ has no body now on earth but yours."
Reflect on a time when you have had the responsibility of serving others and being Christ for that person.
How did you grow as a result of that service? Did you learn something new about yourself because of that experience?
Share your experiences by commenting below!