A Letter from Paige Courtney Soto

This letter is a part of The Catholic Woman’s letter collection For the New Feminism. Each piece featured in this series will explore the different ways in which Catholic women are making sense of what it means to be a woman in light of her lived experiences and in light of the Catholic Church. The intent of this series is to explore that “‘new feminism’” St. John Paul II called women to cultivate. To learn more about what such a feminism means and could look like, check out our free video program Cultivating Catholic Feminism.

F

or the Feminine Soul,

Like many girls, I assumed my mother's identity until I discovered my own. My mother was my first example of a strong, career-driven woman who did not put her husband or her children on the altar of sacrifice. Although I admire her personal achievements, it is my mother's thirst for God in the sacraments that was my childhood inspiration. Ironically, it was my grandmother who cultivated that thirst, even though she was a zealous Protestant.

My grandparents were pro-life Baptists dedicated to raising children who loved God. Courtney and Ernest––or Madea and Papia, as we grandchildren called them––were proud of the twelve children that were theirs by birth, and their generosity and love extended to dozens of foster children, as well.

Redirecting Thirst and Quenching It

My mother, Marilyn, the eldest girl of the twelve, didn't originally fit their vision of piety. Marilyn was a little "too fast" (or “thirsty,” as we would now call it) for my grandmother's liking. Although my family was Protestant, Madea chose a Catholic boarding school for my mother. Most likely the best, or only, option for private religious education available to a black family in 1960s rural Louisiana. Madea decided to send her teenage daughter to boarding school to help redirect her thirst for boys towards her education and her relationship with God.

Marilyn was introduced to Mass as part of her boarding school routine. In the Mass, my mother saw the truths of the Bible come to life. Her thirst for the life of the soul was ignited. Her soul was drawn into the mystery of the sacraments. Then, her intellect was inspired to ponder how the Word she received from her parents was now appearing in the flesh before her eyes. A few years later, my mother converted to Catholicism, and seven of her twelve siblings followed her lead. Her thirst for God in the sacraments inspired her siblings to take the same leap of faith towards a greater love of God.

That same thirst for love is central to my own identity as a Catholic woman. Even though I grew up as a cradle Catholic, my journey began as a desire for the attention and affection of men, just like my mother experienced as a teen. Both men and women are hard-wired to receive love, but women possess a unique capacity for love. Consequently, many of us often try to fulfill our deepest desires with the affection of men or other earthly pleasures. From birth, I had the grace of the sacraments right in front of me, but I didn't develop a thirst for the life of the Spirit until after college.

tcw 2 8-20-21 (1).jpg — “In the Mass, my mother saw the truths of the Bible come to life. Her thirst for the life of the soul was ignited. Her soul was drawn into the mystery of the sacraments. Then, her intellect was inspired to ponder how the Word she received from her parents was now appearing in the flesh before her eyes.”

Photo by Urte Baranauskaite

Awakening My Thirst for the Spirit

When I arrived at Notre Dame as a college freshman, I was at the mercy of a thirst I did not understand. There were so many attractive men my age, I was hyper-focused on dating. But my campus was not only overflowing with cute boys, there were also countless spiritual and intellectual opportunities. I decided to study abroad in France, and go on a service trip to Africa. All of a sudden, my intellect was stimulated. In high school, my education was challenging, but it did not open new pathways. In college, my mind was confronted with endless discoveries and new possibilities for intellectual growth. My focus shifted from hoping men would notice me, to developing my own gifts and talents. Thus, my unquenchable thirst matured. Slowly.

As my focus began to shift from boys to spiritual and intellectual pursuits, I also began establishing life-long friendships. In my classes and my dorm, I was meeting other Catholic women from all over the country. On weekends we would unwind from our demanding coursework by crowding into a room and binge-watching entire seasons of TV. For us, it was Sex in the City. For you, it may be reality shows like The Bachelorette or Keeping Up With The Kardashians. At first, we made fun of how superficial the women on TV acted, yet on some level, we envied their beauty and their power. Nonetheless, we all observed that the "power" didn't last, as these women were constantly chasing after men. My friends began to compare the portrait of women that was portrayed on TV and in movies to the feminism we studied in philosophy and theology courses.

TV and movies provided much-needed stress relief, but my friends and I were unsatisfied with the way women were portrayed. We were looking for authentic portraits of strong women. Women who could provide an example of how to cultivate the strengths and talents that are unique to our feminine nature.

The women of virtue who have gone before you are your light and beacon for truth and authentic feminism. The Church teaches us that women do not have to define our identity in reference to men. We have female saints who went to the author of creation to gain objective insight on the feminine soul from its very source.

women of virtue.jpg — “The women of virtue who have gone before you are your light and beacon for truth and authentic feminism. The Church teaches us that women do not have to define our identity in reference to men. We have female saints who went to the author of creation to gain objective insight on the feminine soul from its very source.”

Photo by Guillaume Bleyer

Mary, Our Model of Feminine Strength

Begin with Mary as you embark on your search to surround yourself with portraits of authentic feminine virtue. There are profound spiritual realities that are revealed in the life of Mary. In fact, in Mary, I found the answers to the important questions pop culture failed to address, such as: how do women cultivate our strength? The women of the Gospel embodied exceptional courage. Three women remained at the foot of the cross when everyone else hid in fear. The Gospel of John states, "Standing by the cross of Jesus were his mother and his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary of Magdala."(John 19:25) Where did that courage come from? Mary the Mother of God possessed the love of a mother combined with a spousal love of God. It is actually the strength of her love that makes her such a powerful saint.

That perfect love Mary embodies begins with a thirst for the life of the spirit. Our thirst for love is a spiritual desire that can only truly be fulfilled by God. Do not be afraid of your thirst for love! In fact, if your thirst is purified, it becomes the source of your strength. Mary is the first among countless female saints who are vibrant portraits of feminine strength.

Photo by Guillaume Bleyer

Our Deepest Feminine Desire

Although there are many female saints, it took me a long time to discover the ones I could relate to. I was not drawn to St.Thérèse of Lisieux, the girl who seemed to be pious from birth. Did she ever even meet a boy, much less have a crush? It wasn’t until much later that I met St. Teresa of Avila, the saint who actually dated before she entered the convent. Or St. Joan of Arc who was fearless in battle. And finally, I discovered Edith Stein and Mother Teresa of Calcutta, the holy women who provided the breakthrough I needed to better understand the thirst of my feminine soul.

I was drawn to the work of St. Edith Stein, also known by her religious name Teresa Benedicta of the Cross, because she was a female philosopher in the early 20th century, at a time when most women were not academics. In her essay "Woman’s Soul" she wrote, "The deepest feminine yearning is to achieve a loving union which, in its development, validates this maturation and simultaneously stimulates and furthers the desire for perfection in others; this yearning can express itself in the most diverse forms…" Edith Stein observed that the desires of women are as diverse as our personalities, yet there is a common theme. Women long for fruitful love that generates life and a dynamic love that perfects the soul. Take the time to understand your thirst.

I chose St. Edith Stein, but St. Teresa of Calcutta, or Mother Teresa as she is often called, was the saint who chose me.

One day I went to visit a chapel, and I decided to browse the holy card table. On the table, I found a pamphlet with a picture of Jesus crucified and the words "I Thirst For You" printed below. Inside the pamphlet was a letter in which Mother Teresa reveals the message she received from Jesus. It was the most beautiful, personal meditation I had ever read from a saint. Here is the theme: "I thirst to love you and to be loved by you. So precious are you to Me that I THIRST FOR YOU. Come to Me, and I will fill your heart and heal your wounds."

Mother Teresa spent countless hours meditating on her desire for love, and she discovered that it was Jesus who first felt that unquenchable thirst. A woman's desire for love can only be understood in the context of her relationship with God. God created men and women out of infinite love for the explicit purpose of receiving His love and learning how to extend it to others. I discovered that Jesus understood my thirst and felt an even greater longing to satisfy my desires with His healing love. I wanted to respond to Jesus's invitation. I wanted to see what would happen if I gave everything to God.

“I discovered that Jesus understood my thirst and felt an even greater longing to satisfy my desires with His healing love. I wanted to respond to Jesus's invitation. I wanted to see what would happen if I gave everything to God.”

Photo by Athena

Following My Thirst for the Spirit

Your thirst is your roadmap to happiness. God placed unique desires in your heart in order to fulfill them. My journey to a deeper relationship with God has not been an easy or linear one. After college, I discerned a religious vocation. I gave my all to God in a convent, but it didn't bear fruit. I gave my all to God in ministry and God began to use me to draw others to Him. And finally, after all the searching, God brought a man into my life who inspired me to surrender every day to God through a deeper prayer life. God is faithful. He has a vocation for you that will satisfy your thirst for love. Stay close to God in prayer and ask Him to reveal his plan for you. The journey requires sacrifice, but the Father never leaves His daughters disappointed.

The life of virtue will strengthen and purify your thirst. My mother and the saints were my vibrant examples of feminine virtue. You are the saint for the next generation of Catholic women. The world will attempt to define and exploit your identity as a woman. Transcend the limitations of this material world to discover the spiritual gifts God has given you. Use those gifts to perfect your intellect and your soul. Do not ignore your thirst. Cultivate it. Study it. It is the fuel that feeds the divine fire that is already in your soul. If you give God permission, He will transform your thirst into a powerful fount of authentic love.

Your Sister in Christ,

Paige Courtney

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About the Writer: Paige Courtney is a writer, educator and public speaker from Nashville, TN. She earned a B.A. in philosophy from the University of Notre Dame and an M.A. in secondary teaching from Aquinas College. She currently serves Vanderbilt and Belmont students in campus ministry and trains other catechists in her diocese. Her articles may be found on her blog and the National Catholic Register. She has also published a Catholic anti-racism prayer book which may be found on her author page www.sacredremedy.info.