Letter from Justine Tecson

Dear sister,

I want to warn you that the beginning of this letter isn’t pretty.

In 2017, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me. Regretfully, a month before he made the decision, I willingly gave him my whole body and heart. It didn’t hurt as much that he said I was selfish and only did things to make myself feel better. I wasn’t groveling over the fact that he said he didn’t want anything to do with me and I ruined any chance of us being friends. However, it did kill me that I gave him something that was never his in the first place.

The breakup relayed a physical reaction to all the relationships I tried to form with boys I dated shortly after. I would recoil whenever someone touched me and I couldn’t bring myself to share a simple kiss with anyone. As time went on, I began to feel a little more comfortable. It was good indication that the pain I suffered from my breakup was slowly releasing its grasp on me. Little did I know that would bite me in the butt not too long after.

A few months ago, I reconnected with a boy I met a few years ago. He was charming, but he was dealing with depression and drug addiction. Red flags I didn’t acknowledge in my search for love and acceptance. One night, he was hovering over me, and I had refused to do anything physical with him. “Baby, once you do this for me, we can be together”, he said. I still refused because I knew that wasn’t what I wanted. He got up afterwards, and told me I had to leave. He walked me to the door but as he was angrily trying to close the door, he cursed me out and yelled “you dumb a*s b*tch”. I sat in my car so defeated. I was glad I didn’t give in to his demands, but I was so angry at myself for allowing something like that to happen.

In that moment where I had just got kicked out of the guy’s house, there was nothing more that I wanted to do than to run to Jesus and say I’m sorry. So I sought refuge in the place that I feel Jesus’ presence most prominently: the gigantic cross at my old parish in Corona. I was sorry for not valuing myself as much as I should’ve. For not loving myself the way Jesus does. For believing that I didn’t deserve to be treated kindly by a God-fearing man. That this was as good as it was going to get for me.

Previously, a friend of mine had told me a story where a friend of his was joining a convent to which he replied “of course you would keep her for yourself Jesus”. For some reason, that statement resonated so hard with me that dreadful night and as I sat by the cross, I could feel Jesus comforting me through the storm and all I wanted to say was “thank you, for keeping me for yourself”. I was spending so much time placing my time and heart into people who didn’t know how to take care of it. When the whole time, Jesus was just beckoning for me to embrace him.

My sister, I don’t know what you’ve been through personally, but I’m sure you’ve dealt with heartbreak or loneliness in some way, shape or form. Maybe a part of your search for authentic love is just as ugly as mine. Maybe it’s a little better, maybe a lot worse. Regardless, I want to affirm you that your worth is not embellished in the hands of those who speak and act unkindly. You are a woman who deserves nothing less than the love that Joseph has for Mary. Or the love that Jesus expresses for the Church. No matter what you’re dealing with whether it involves a significant other or a bout with feeling lonely, be comforted by the fact that God is generously and lovingly keeping you for himself because He knows what you need, and what is best. After all, he is the best lover of all time.

I’m praying that in this crazy but beautiful life we’re all living, you will also ask God to keep you for Himself because no one on earth will ever love you the same.

Much love,
Justine

About

Hi y’all! My name is Justine and I’m 23 years old. I come from a big, loud, hilarious, and amazing family who has influenced my faith immensely in the best way possible. I’m currently wrapping up my final semester at Cal State Fullerton so I’ll have my BA in Studio Arts very soon!

I’m constantly on the go and I jokingly tell people that I don’t stay in the same place for more than a few days (although it is very true sometimes). I’m currently on a journey of letting my ‘yes’ mean ‘yes’ and through it, God has allowed me to do things like playing cajon/drums for St. Cecilia’s in Tustin, serving as a Life Teen summer missionary at Camp Golden State in Big Bear, chaperoning for the wonderful parish of Holy Redeemer St. James at Steubenville Orange County, serving for the SALT team at Steubenville San Diego, and more this past summer alone. I’ve found myself in a perpetual state of wonder at how good God is not just to me but those surrounding me.

That being said, I very much believe that my heart exists for others whether it be giving of myself through service or just loving others hard. If there’s one thing I’m constantly thankful for it’s the people God has brought into my life.