A Mother's Path to Purity of Heart

Interview with Vanessa Simoneaux

From our Cultivating Purity of Heart Series

Photo by Priscilla-Du-Preez

“Obtaining a pure heart is not as easy as praying away our vices. It requires action and good intention. Even the mundane everyday tasks I face as a wife and mother challenge me to grow by forcing me to choose between what’s bad and easy and what’s good and more demanding.”

About the Writer: Vanessa Simoneaux is a stay at home mom of three kiddos plus one more in the womb. She is happily married to her best friend and currently resides in South Central Texas. She loves cooking, spending time outdoors with her family, and deeply discussing This Is Us theories, parental attachments, and how much everyone needs Jesus.

The Interview:

In Matthew 5, we’re told that “blessed are the pure of heart, for they will see God.” So, to be pure of heart must mean to be like God, and thus our most authentic selves — totally free of that which prevents us from completely embracing God and permeating His life into our own. What does cultivating a pure heart in your life look like?

As a Mother

As a young mother, God continuously invites me to seek out and partake in the various ways that my current state of life and vocation demand a deeper purification of my heart. This, I believe, is so that I may be and continue to become the best wife and mother to the family He has blessed me with. Some of the opportunities that allow me to go deeper include setting healthy boundaries with social media, family, and friends, and acknowledging the different ways I need to grow — recognizing my faults, further acknowledging the sins I have struggled with in the past and continue to struggle with in the present, and realizing the importance of healing internal wounds.

Let me go deeper as to why, in light of obtaining a more profound purity of heart, I have chosen to focus on these and why I think it's important that every woman (really, every person) should consider looking into some of these as well.

Regarding Social Media

Regarding social media, for the last few years, I have chosen to periodically disable or uninstall my Facebook and Instagram apps because I have noticed a few of my unhealthy tendencies. The first is my tendency to get too caught up in other people's lives. I have a history of gossiping which, although hasn't been a problem lately, is still something I like to stay on top of. Similarly, while scrolling through my feeds, I see other people’s problems and I preoccupy myself with how I can help them, which then leads me to talking about it to my husband for days on end — consuming my mind with stress, and thus leaving it too cluttered to fully engage my own family life’s problems and activities. I've had to accept that the weight of the world’s problems (really, my community’s) don’t fall on my shoulders and if people want my help or input, they will ask for it. This then motivates me to place it in God's hands and pray for them.

The second tendency I have is falling into the temptation to overlook content that can be desensitizing. In the past, I struggled with keeping my eyes away from impure images that are too easily encountered online. Prior to meeting my husband, I had to work on this and be mindful of it so as to uphold the dignity of every human person. To avoid the near occasion of sin and temptation, I kept my accounts private and refrained from scrolling through my feeds late at night. Creating these boundaries with social media has helped me form a better relationship with myself in my current state of life. This, however, is not without its struggles. Sometimes I see friends and family posting about their trips abroad, new houses, and fancy jobs. Then, I look at my life and acknowledge how my family is not currently in a position where we can take expensive vacations, buy the house we so desire, or have a creative outlet as a job that other women have that I would like. Because of this, I often find myself giving into the temptation of feeling bitter towards my children, family, or situation. As a remedy, rather than viewing social media as an outlet to escape, I try to view and use it as an outlet to stay connected with others. So, to prudently engage and share my life with others, I strive to only post what I consider to be the many blessings of my life, i.e. vacation trips, home life, and faith. This takes off the pressure of feeling the need to compare my life with others and helps me celebrate it just the way it is! This also serves as a great reminder to acknowledge the beauty of life’s complications. In order to fully consider and appreciate all the ways God uses my current state of life to sanctify me, I need to be present. Then, I can consider snapping a pic of me doing so!

Listening to the Church

After reading about purity of heart and how we can better live it out in our own individual lives, I have found that it is the difficult and decisive moral choices we make that help purify our hearts of any bad or malformed inclinations — nothing like obtaining virtue through creating good habits (CCC 1723)! Obtaining a pure heart is not as easy as praying away our vices. It requires action and good intention. Even the mundane everyday tasks I face as a wife and mother challenge me to grow by forcing me to choose between what's bad and easy and what’s good and more demanding. For example, I could either choose to yell at my son when he slips up and throws a tantrum, or I can humble myself and give him a hug to calm him down. I could choose to complain about washing the dishes, or I can use that time to say a small prayer in thanksgiving for dinner just held with my children and husband. It's all about seeking Christ out in the daily mundane.

What saint or person in your life helps you grow in your understanding of what it means to be pure of heart? How do they encourage you to pursue this yourself?

Recently, I have been inspired by St. Therese of Lisieux in a new way. After reading some of St. Zelie's writings, I feel like I now resonate with Therese in a way I was only capable of doing after having learned about her mother.

It's been said that St. Therese had a "will of steel" and I truly believe I have been granted that gift as well. More often than not, we think that being pure of heart means needing to be childish in that we are too passive by being joyful at all times. This, however, is not the case. It is in always choosing Christ first that we allow His will for our lives to manifest itself and always “make us happy.” Yet, this doesn't mean it isn't difficult. Free will makes it so it is. This being said, I truly think that my connection to St. Therese stems from the fact that she had a tendency to let her emotions get the best of her and I am a lot like that as well. Yet, no matter how emotional she was, she continuously chose Christ by striving to emulate His life through her own. Reading about her time in the convent sounds a lot like my journey in motherhood. In her writings, St. Therese expresses that she felt that as a Carmelite nun she wouldn't be able to perform great deeds. Similarly, I first felt this way as a mother. It has taken me years to rid this mindset by intentionally deciding that the love and effort I put into my family life is so worth it and of great importance. Three kids later and I have finally realized that I don't need to be a popular Catholic blogger or involved in my parish's youth group to make an impact on this world. My little life of being a stay at home mom and wife is important enough.

What prompted this journey and how has it been since you consciously began it? What has been most difficult about it?

My journey to obtaining a more profound purity of heart started in college, not long before I met my husband, Nick. I was going to TLM (Traditional Latin Mass) and praying all the prayers but was still secretly in an unhealthy relationship with another man. I was ashamed of my past and the struggles and sins that were brought on from that toxic relationship made it hard to move forward. I was so embarrassed that I kept my wounds and trauma to myself. I felt like I had to handle it alone, because I feared being judged and looked down upon. It wasn't until I met Nick that I finally opened up about all my struggles and eventually broke things off with the other guy. Eventually, I developed a strong love for confession and began attending frequently. It was the only other time outside of mass that I truly felt Jesus' presence in my life. Since then, it's been a slow journey, BUT with the encouragement of my husband, I have found the strength to heal from past wounds and overcome current obstacles, which has worked against my strife over the purification of my heart. I have grown to be more single hearted, because at the end of the day, I realize that my only and greatest need or desire is Jesus.

What has been most difficult are the ordinary, daily, and seemingly mundane choices and actions I make for my family rather than just for myself. To help, I like to look to Our Lady. I am constantly reminding myself that I have to choose God’s will as my own — even if that goes against my own inclinations and understanding. This way, I am living out my vocation according to His plan and expectations rather than my own. It has been a challenge to break the bad habits, but my love for Christ and the family He has entrusted to me are all I need as a constant motivation.

One other aspect of this journey I have struggled with are the gifts God gives during "inconvenient" times of my life. Sometimes, it’s difficult to grasp an understanding as to why He permits certain things to happen. But, truly, that’s just life! It has been through these trials that I have come to a new understanding of gift. Rather than viewing them as roadblocks, I now see them as opportunities for growth on my path to purity of heart.

How has this journey transformed your spiritual life and relationships with others? Why do you think purity of heart is important for other women to intentionally seek themselves?

I believe that since starting this journey, my spiritual life has only strengthened. It's taught me the importance of having complete dependence on Christ and how purity of heart doesn't necessarily just mean being clean but being someone who constantly chooses to emulate the life of Christ. I feel it has taught me that relationships aren't about who has the most control. I don't have as much control over others as I'd like to think, but that is the beauty of relationships, choosing to love even when it's hard. Choosing to be kind even when you feel wronged. It's taught me that in order to truly care about a person, you have to care about their soul. It's not about what you can get out of them, but how you can help them see God in their lives.

Seeking purity of heart is important for everyone because you aren't living your life to the fullest until you're aiming for that. You don't know true happiness until then. Living life with yourself, your relationship, education, or career as your main focus will wear you out and have you constantly seeking ways to satisfy your wants. You won't be happy sitting still, and find yourself trying to keep busy, but when you seek purity of heart you find that you can be still in the madness of life because you know God is there with you. It's not as overwhelming for you to sit in the chaos because even if you don't have an answer to your problems you're able to feel that peace which comes from Christ alone. I'm not there 100% of the time and most of the time I do freak out, but prayer and talking to a close friend or my husband is usually all it takes now for me to get to that safe place. It's hard fighting your emotional reactions, but it's good to challenge them. Ask yourself why you feel this way when something triggers you. We've been blessed with a heart and a mind which can work together to get us to our goal of a pure heart.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.