Letter from Mary Thissen

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Dear Sister,

“There’s nothing wrong with you. You are God’s beloved daughter.”

The words hit me like a brick in my chest. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

You see, I was in the Sacrament of Reconciliation when these words were spoken to me. By a priest who only knew a minimal amount of my life story. He could not have possibly known that, my entire life, I have struggled with feeling less than other people, other women. I have felt like God didn’t quite get me “right”. He couldn’t have known as he was a brand new priest, therefore brand new to our parish. He had come to see me in the Emergency Room briefly, but we only talked for about ten minutes and then said a prayer over me, and then left. I certainly didn’t confess anything that would make him think that I had a lifelong battle with seeing myself this way.

That day was yet another time when I doubted that God had made me good, that He had made me in His Image. I didn’t believe it. There HAD to be something wrong with me. I had just lost my third child in an ectopic pregnancy, with two being lost to miscarriage previously. I believed this was God’s way of trying to prevent the damage I would do to a child, because a woman that broken shouldn’t be a mother. The subtle messages I had received in childhood and young adulthood said I could never hope to be at peace as I was. Maybe if I just did this or that, God would finally love me for the person he supposedly created me to be.

"That day was yet another time when I doubted that God had made me good, that He had made me in His Image. I didn’t believe it. There HAD to be something wrong with me. I had just lost my third child in an ectopic pregnancy, with two being lost to miscarriage previously."

And yet I found myself in the Sacrament, hoping for comfort, the cleansing of my soul, the longing to know that I was a precious child of God. I begged the Lord for a sign that He knew EXACTLY what He was doing when he created me.

Sister, Our Lord spoke directly to my heart that day. He brought me into his arms and comforted me as only a Daddy can. He used his Holy Spirit to speak through one of his priests acting in the person of Christ.

Do you feel “less than”? Do you feel as though God made a mistake when He made you? Have you been told that you just aren’t as good as others? Do you believe that God just doesn’t care about you the way he cares about others?

It is a lie straight from the pit of Hell.

You- yes, you!-were made exactly as intended.

Bring your sorrows, insecurities, and cares to the One who made you good and beautiful, who bled and died on a Cross for you- and would do it again if you were the only one on earth.

"Bring your sorrows, insecurities, and cares to the One who made you good and beautiful, who bled and died on a Cross for you- and would do it again if you were the only one on earth."

Sister, I am not saying this is easy! I suspect I will continue to struggle with this truth until my (Page 3) earthly life ends.

May we always have the courage to embrace this truth- the Truth, the Way and the Life. And may we always remember our identities as beloved daughters of God.

In Christ,

Mary

Get to know Mary

Tell us a little bit about yourself!

My name is Mary and I am 31 years old. I’m married to Jaime and we have been married for six years. I work as a Quality Assurance and Performance Improvement Analyst for the home health division of a central Illinois health system. I am an ISFJ on the Myers-Briggs scale and I have recently begun to write, after being told that I should be a writer for over twenty years! I blog at ineverwalkalone.com. My husband and I have three little saints in Heaven with Jesus; we named them Joseph, Therese and Gianna.

From one Catholic woman to another, how have you discovered your sense of belonging in the Church?

My sense of belonging in the Church was solidified in 2015 when I had a resurgence of faith. I had become frustrated with persons in the Church that I perceived not to think and act like myself- and I didn’t want to be like them. When my faith was renewed, I realized it was okay for them to be who they were - AND it was okay for me to be who I was. In this moment, I felt the most secure I ever had in my own skin. The Church is universal but very diverse. I love how our Church is One, Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic, yet weaves together beautiful diversity. I’ve learned a lot about humility since then!

Tell us about a woman who inspires you. What lessons have you learned from her? How has she influenced your life?

Having miscarried two children and an ectopic pregnancy with my third, St. Gianna Molla is a woman I deeply admire. Her quote “Whatever God wants” has stuck with me in my journey of loss. I desperately want to hold a child on this side of Heaven, but I don’t know if I ever will. Reminding myself to be open to and accept what God wants for my life has carried me through the times of sorrow. St. Gianna’s words invite me to have faith that what God wants for my life is infinitely better than my own plans for myself.