Marriage, Motherhood and Ministry
Letter from Rebecca Liguori
Photo by Zui-Hoang
Dear Sister,
I have lots of kids. Some of them are called my “big kids” and some of them are called my kids. My kids are my three beautiful children, Joseph Nicholas (5) Hannah Kateri (3) and Benjamin Francis (5 months). My “big kids” are the countless teens that walk through the doors of my parish in a town in New Hampshire. I am a wife, a mom and a youth minister. My mini-van is filled with cheerios, crayons, pamphlets about chastity, permission slips and action figures. My office has pictures of my first born on the day of his baptism surrounded by teenagers. My home has drawings from pre-school and Christmas cards from teens and their families.
When I look around at other Catholic women, I see lots of different things. I see some women who work, some who stay home, some who blog, some who have children and some who do not. I often make the mistake of looking at these women and comparing myself. Looking and saying, “Am I supposed to be doing that?” “Is that the right way to do it?”
As a youth minister, I have a crazy schedule with lots of nights and weekends. I have a husband who takes up his cross daily to support me in this ministry. To be totally honest, sisters, I sometimes question if having a position of leadership in the Church is where God is calling me. I often ask this as I’m running out the door, leaving my husband with three mouths to feed and a sink full of dishes from the dinner I just cooked. Is this what Catholic motherhood and womanhood should look like?
But then I get to work and see my “big kids.” I see their pain. I see their struggles. I see their joys. I see how desperately they need Jesus in this confusing world we live in and feel humbled that I get to introduce them to Him. And this brings me peace.
Recently, I did just this. I could still hear my own kids yelling as the car pulled out of the garage. I had a voice in my head telling me, “you are such a terrible mom. You don’t care about your own kids, you care more about the kids at St. Michael. What’s wrong with you?” Tears began to well up in my eyes, but something deeper down in my heart told me to just drive to the parish. So I did, but the whole way I was thinking about whether or not I’m a terrible mom. I was going to work on a Sunday evening for our weekly youth night and I was giving the talk. When I got there, the other leaders were cheerfully setting up and excited for the night. Six thirty rolled around and kids started pouring in. That particular night, some kids who had never come to a youth night before came and some kids who we had not seen in a long time showed up as well. The voice I had heard started to fade as I engaged with the kids in our youth room. I quickly checked my phone just to be sure there were no disasters at home. I had a message from my husband. A picture. It was my two older kids- pasta sauce on their faces and toothy grins and I knew that my rockstar husband had it under control. In that moment, I said a quick prayer: “Thank you, Jesus. I trust you with everything. Help me to let go of worrying about if I’m doing it right and help me to keep my eyes fixed on you.” That night, I ended up building some important connections with youth, and the Holy Spirit used my talk to reach many of the kids. I had one senior guy come up to me with tears in his eyes and tell me that my talk touched him in a way he never expected. He said it was exactly what he needed. Nights like this, Jesus smiles at me and says, “I told you!”
After the youth went home that night, I sat with another leader and discussed an important meeting coming up. I had been asked to speak to the bishop of our diocese about effective youth programming. We had met once, and we had a follow up meeting coming up soon. Believe it or not, this brought me joy as well! And when I get home from nights like this, and I see my own kids, I quickly realize that the work I’m doing every day at the parish is going to benefit them as they grow and that they are going to see their mom serving the Lord at home and in the world. And this sisters, is when I experience the true joy of Christ.
Sisters, God has made each of us with unique gifts and talents. He wants us to soar. He wants us to chase our dreams. He wants us to use the gifts and talents he has given us to build his kingdom. For me, God has asked me to use my gifts for ministry and family. And he never leaves me alone in this. He never abandons me. He is constantly giving me exactly what I need to be able to do this. Whether it be another amazing teen who is willing to babysit my kids, healthy grandparents to pitch in when needed, generous volunteers who I have equipped to do awesome ministry so I can be home with my kids, or a pastor who promotes family life and takes my kids into his office to “help him work” when I need to get something done, God provides for me. And he will do the same for you. Trust him. Trust him deeply. Because sisters, when we trust him instead of playing the comparison game and wondering if we should be doing what other women are doing, we will find great joy and great peace.
Handwritten quote from the writer
Sisters, look at our sister saints. St. Gianna Molla, a doctor and a mom; St. Therese of Lisieux, a nun who followed the Little Way; St. Joan of Arc, a warrior; St. Catherine of Siena, a brave woman who spoke truth to the pope; St. Teresa of Calcutta, a woman who picked the dying up off the streets and cared for them; Sts. Perpetua and Felicity, moms and martyrs who would not deny the faith. None of these women looked the same. None of them led in the same way. But what they did have in common was a humble trust in God. An understanding that God is in control and they are not. A belief that God would give them exactly what they needed in order to carry out the mission he was calling them to.
Ladies, I have been called to help lead teens to Jesus and to minister to people in a broken and messy world and Church. I know it in my heart. I have also been called to build the kingdom in my home, have a good marriage and raise up disciples who will follow Jesus in a radical way. On my bad days, I doubt his plan. I doubt that God would really want to me to do this and that I’m good enough to do it. On my good days, I lean on His grace and strive for holiness. My goal, dear sisters, is to be the woman God has called me to be. He is calling you to greatness as well. It will not look like my greatness, it will not look like anyone else’s greatness, it will be yours.
About the Writer: Rebecca Liguori
Rebecca Liguori, or as most know her, Becca, is a wife to her high school sweetheart, a mom to three under 5, and a youth minister at St. Michael Parish in Exeter, New Hampshire. Becca graduated from Saint Anselm College with a major in sociology and a minor in theology. From there, Becca worked with homeless and runaway adolescents. Her heart yearned to share the Gospel with these teens not just through action, and when God called her to ministry, Becca left the social work field to try to introduce Jesus to as many teens as possible. Becca credits any success she has as a mom, wife or youth minister to Jesus and lots of coffee.
Want to share the quote below? On your smart phone: press, save and share.
Want to Know When We Publish a New Letter?
For Your Reflection:
Take a moment to pray Rebecca's prayer, "Thank you Jesus. I trust you with everything. Help me to let go of worrying about if I'm doing it right and help me to keep my eyes fixed on you."
Reflect on a time when you "lost sight" of Jesus or did not place your trust in Him. When you turned back to Jesus were you able to use your unique gifts and talents more fully?
Share your experiences by commenting below.