Letter from Melissa Velez

Dear sisters,

From the tender age of eight years old, I had always imagined being a teacher. It was the only career that stayed on my heart throughout elementary, middle, and high school. As I neared the end of my high school years and thought more purposely about it, a career as an educator still seemed to be the best fit. I decided that I had successfully pinpointed my calling, and I was proud. By the time I began my sophomore year of college, I was on track for a teaching credential.

Around this time, my spiritual life experienced a significant upheaval. I began to rethink my relationship with the faith and realized that I needed to be more intentional and less lukewarm. I began reading and learning as much as I could. I googled common misunderstandings society had with the Catholic Church to see why we believed what we believed. I read Vatican documents, scrolled questions and answer forums, and devoured everything I could get my hands on. I also learned the difference between a Vocation and a vocation: how God is calling you to love people and grow in holiness vs. what type of work would be best for you. I discovered that there is such a focus and, dare I say, obsession, with young Catholics trying to figure out the answer to those particular questions, especially among young women. I felt like it was a mystery that absolutely needed to be solved while a giant clock loomed ticking over one’s head. Can you relate? Luckily, I figured I’d already earned an A+ in vocational discernment and had graduated from that particular task. I was sure I’d never have to think about it again.

After graduating I took a position at a local high school, and that lasted three years. It was difficult but rewarding. After three years I figured it would be time for a change, so I applied to grad school. It was a grueling program but I would have earned a raise and more impressive resume when it was over, so it seemed wise. I still taught full time for two years and after obtaining my Master’s I applied and was offered a position at a small Catholic school. So it was that I began my sixth year in education excited and expectant. It was going to be difficult (I had 40 students), but this was everything I had wanted. I was finally able to combine my faith with the work I was doing. I had made my vocation a reality. Well, that year turned into one of the hardest of my life. I cried back and forth to work for months. I was so stressed I couldn’t sleep through the night. I barely had time for my friends or anything else I wanted to do. All the while, a growing sense of unhappiness began stirring in my soul. Toward the end of the year, I decided to take a step back from what I always thought I knew and revisit if I was in the right place. The truth was, I had been feeling unsure about teaching since before that year even started, but I was terrified to admit that I “failed” at vocational discernment. All those years of college and grad school, a waste? Backing out on a good job that I was good at? Admitting that I didn’t pray hard enough or listen well enough or understand what the Lord was saying to me? But I couldn’t ignore the signs any longer, so I resigned from the field of education after six years and began the tough work of discerning what God wanted for me next.

During this time off from work, I read a book called Discerning the Will of God: An Ignatian Guide to Christian Decision Making. The two biggest points that I retained from the book were that God’s desires for us will be illumined by a sense of peace, and that discernment is often a choice between two goods, meaning that no choice made in good faith can ever end in evil. This knowledge was monumental for me in my season of fear and doubt. Instead of kicking myself for what I was tempted to see as six wasted years, I realized that there was no place I could go and nothing I could do that God would not redeem. Even though I was stressed, tired, and confused, I realized that God would not have allowed me in that career for all those years if He had not wanted me there. Instead of feeling like a failure as a young Catholic woman, was it possible that my calling to a certain career had just changed? That I hadn’t discerned incorrectly, but that I just needed to discern anew? I think the answer was yes.

After accepting that my season in education was over (at least for the time being), I asked myself another very important question: what in life has brought me joy and fulfillment? I settled down to consider this question, and thought about any instance throughout the years that stuck out as meaningful and left me with a lasting sense of accomplishment. I thought of serving at a pro-life rally; cooking pancakes for the homeless; building homes with Habitat for Humanity. What did all of these have in common? Almost immediately an answer became clear: helping the poor or marginalized in society through acts of direct service. The next couple of weeks involved a lot of prayer and courage, but I decided to move from California to Ohio to pursue a year of volunteer work in social services. That year would tell me what I needed to know, I was sure. Fast forward a year and a half, and I’m still working in social services. I serve poor and low-income families and individuals who are in need of material or financial help. During this year I have also actively discerned marriage vs. religious life and am mostly sure I am called to marriage. But I realize it’s an ongoing process. I have peace of mind right where I am and my vocational journey has taught me a very important lesson.

Sometimes, I think we unwittingly place too much pressure on the modern Catholic woman. Vocational discernment is encouraged, but with an expiration date. After passing through young adulthood, it often seems as though she should be ready to move forward with her place in the world secure. In my experience, I’ve seen this by the number of young adult fellowship groups that end at age 35, with the next step being couples and family ministry, and the alternative is rarely discussed.

So what is the alternative, the truth of what it means to be a Catholic woman today? The truth is that our vocation is not found in one single decision in time. Our vocation is not proven through what we went to school for, our ability to hold a job, or where we live. Our vocation is not necessarily one thing. Our vocation can change with the seasons. Whether we are married, single, or a religious, God can call us all over the place, to a number of different careers or workplaces; we should not be convinced that one path is the only path.

Yet for the better part of a year, I had felt this way, like a failure, like I had discerned incorrectly. I looked at all the other Catholic women around me with successful and flourishing careers and thought I must have made a mistake, failed Vocation 101. My youth and young adult groups had placed so much emphasis on discerning your calling in life that I never dreamed it would be okay to take a step back and start over. But the truth is, our simplest and primary vocation as Catholic women is to love, and that looks different in the many different seasons of life. Maybe some women are called to love others through a singular lifelong career, but some are not. I’ve realized I’ve had several seasons, as a college student, as an elementary teacher, now as a social worker. It’s hard and somewhat demoralizing to think about starting my career over, but can it really be considered starting over if God has been leading me toward heaven the whole time?

The occasional temptation to think that I’ve failed at modern Catholic womanhood is still great. I always thought I’d be “farther along” in a career by now. I’d feel out of place at any Young Catholic Professionals meeting. I’m sure that I’m where I’m meant to be for the time being, but will I still be here in ten years? Who knows. I’m honestly just professionally confused. But still, sisters, I’m doing my best. Being a faithful Catholic woman simply means resting in the knowledge that Jesus is Lord, which means He has all the answers and I don’t need them. I’ve learned and accepted that specific callings can change, but that doesn’t affect the nature of our greater Vocation. God can call you to one place in one season of your life and somewhere else in the next, and it’s up to Him to decide when that is. And I’ve come to know, in the deepest recesses of my heart, that I’m still fulfilling that vocation day by day in the way that I love, despite the absence of worldly career success. I sincerely hope and pray that if this is something you’ve struggled within your own life, that you can come to do the same.

Your sister in Christ,

Melissa