Accepting My Belovedness

Interview with Megan Lass

Part One from our “Freedom from Comparison” Series

Photo by Ellieelin

Introduction

We are beloved. There is nothing we can do to earn or lose this inherent truth. However, it can be difficult to live this truth in our daily lives –especially in a world filled with ever new and constant demands and influences that require so much of us, to be more: more accomplished, more fit, more popular. In fact, sometimes, we’ll look up and find ourselves stuck in the false reality we have created for ourselves instead of living into the belovedness He desires for us. 

Whether we’re trying to lose weight, be noticed for our Instagram posts, or make it look like we have a perfectly fulfilling life, we’re constantly striving to be “better,” when we should be aspiring to be made whole. 

When comparison strikes, we limit our capacity to engage our belovedness –to love and to be loved. We cannot give of ourselves when we fail to recognize who we are. Likewise, we cannot fully receive the gift of another. We pray these interviews help bring you into an ongoing conversation about a very familiar issue. Freedom from comparison can be a lifelong battle for many of us, but in spending our lives remembering who God is to us, He’ll remind us who we are to Him.

Interview with Megan

Megan is a native Texan who graduated from Texas A&M University. After college, she moved to Kenya for a year of mission work and started a nonprofit, SALT of Africa, to serve the people there. Megan is currently a youth minister in the Houston area and is pursuing her master’s degree in Catechetics. Her favorite thing to do is spend quality time with the people closest to her. She also enjoys coffee dates, reading, sunsets and belly laughs. Megan strives to make every person she meets feel seen and loved, as she continues to fall more and more in love with the Father. Life with Christ has truly been a wonderful adventure, and she cannot wait to see what He has in store for her next!

It’s safe to say that our own wounds and insecurities sometimes springboard us into the world of envy and comparison. What is your experience with this? What role has social media played in it all? *and how has your Faith helped you overcome these misconceptions?

I would classify myself as the queen of comparison. The more I grow in my relationship with God the less I struggle with it, but the temptation is still there. The devil loves comparison. One of my catch phrases could probably be “comparison is the thief of joy.” It is present in everything and I think that everyone struggles with it starting with Adam and Eve. 

I think that comparison continues to be more and more prevalent because of our access to social media. Online sites are like a breeding ground for comparison. People are constantly putting out the ‘best’ version of themselves and their lives. Edited pictures, perky captions, and life’s highest moments flood our feeds. While these things are not inherently bad and it is great to share life’s joys with others, it often lacks authenticity. We are not creating space for vulnerable conversations or for people to realize that it is okay not to be okay. It is so easy to fall into the trap of comparison when you are seeing all of these picture-perfect posts, even if you know in the back of your mind that every single person has an imperfect life as well. 

What is your history with physical and or nonphysical traits or aspects of yourself that you dislike or have always had trouble accepting or use as a motive to compare? How aware are you of these tendencies and what tactics do you use to combat them? 

I have always struggled with my weight/size. I was a gymnast my whole life and naturally bigger, but throughout college and into adult life I still wrestle with it. I believe SO many lies about my size: I have to be skinny to be pretty, boys won’t like me if I look too big, I cannot feel confident if I have extra pounds or stretch marks, etc. A lot of those lies came from the way that my weight was addressed growing up by different adults in different situations. When social media came around it made it ten times worse. My feed was full of beautiful girls that had tiny bodies. I felt that if that was what society saw as “perfect,” then I was anything but. 

Another aspect that I have always had trouble accepting is my singleness. In my 25 years, I have had two boyfriends and both lasted only a couple of months. The desire for marriage and a family has been on my heart since I was a little kid, so it sometimes has felt like a slap in the face that I haven't been pursued by many guys. It always seemed like everyone else around me was in a relationship and comparison ran its ugly course. How could that girl find someone and I can’t? What’s wrong with me that nobody wants to be with me? Why is God holding out on me? Wow... another perfect Instagram couple. I have been absolutely blinded by comparison, jealousy, and bitterness—both towards others and God. It got to the point where I allowed my singleness to become my identity, and all the lies I was believing became core truths about myself. 

As mentioned before, I was the queen of comparison. I still struggle with it often, but the Holy Spirit now makes me very aware of when I am falling into these lies. I can now recognize it and choose to stop it in its tracks and speak truth instead. I am working on learning more Scripture by heart so that I can literally proclaim Truth to combat comparison’s evil game. His Word is so powerful. I also have to constantly remind myself that I am chosen, loved, and pursued. Sometimes this means repeating it in my head, other times I stand in front of my mirror and speak it aloud. It sounds cheesy, but it really helps me remember who I am and Whose I am. 

Since social media is a huge ‘trigger’ for me, I have chosen to take several social media fasts to help avoid the temptation. I strive to be authentic on social media and not be afraid to share the good and the bad. There is so much joy and communion to be found when we take our masks off. It helps me to have good friends in my life who are willing to help hold me accountable in fighting these tendencies. 

How has/does your Faith help(ed) you encounter this part of yourself and overcome your skewed perception of them? 

The Lord has pursued my heart so unceasingly throughout these struggles. It took me a long time to realize it but once I did, His love came pouring through. He revealed the lies that I was believing due to my own insecurities and comparing myself to others. I started really diving into Scripture and began with asking ‘okay, who does God say that He is?’ Then, “Clearly these feelings and thoughts are not from God, so who does God say that I am?” From there, I continued to turn to Scripture and prayer. As my relationship grew with God, the more comparison faded away. He spoke truth into the lies. I became more aware of His love and pursuit of me. I knew I was beautiful and pursued, even if not in the way that I was desiring at the moment. Yet even then, I knew that the Father was good and that I could trust Him and how He was working in my life. 

Talk a little bit about the need to have good and holy friendships that allow both parties to celebrate the other’s gifts, talents, and successes. 

Holy friendships are key. I have found that they are essential for accountability, helping call out the lies that I may be tempted to believe and speaking truth into them instead. Friends can usually recognize more good than we are able to see and it is so important to have people that aid you in recognizing it yourself. 

What is your experience with friendships that both lacked and flourished in this area? What did you learn in going through them? How evident was the Lord’s pursuit of your heart in them and how did His presence make these experiences worth it? 

Most of my friendships have lacked in this area. They were not centered on Christ and instead fueled comparison, jealousy, and bitterness. I did not feel safe or seen in those friendships. I felt as if my ‘light’ was being hidden in a way and I did not feel comfortable even talking about my faith or anything else personal. These types of friendships are life-sucking and not the type of community that we were created for. 

I prayed for years for holy and virtuous friendships and God has blessed me with a handful of incredible women in my life. These women constantly call me higher. Any human friendship will have its struggles, but there is no sense of competition or comparison. We genuinely desire the good of the other and are confident in our own identity as the Beloved. These friendships are a safe place where I can be vulnerable and free of judgement. I know that their hearts and our friendships are rooted in prayer and love for the Father, so we are able to pour into one another in a healthy and valuable way. These friendships are life-giving. 

My friends have been an answered prayer. I begged God for holy women in my life and He blessed me with friendships greater than I knew possible. His timing was perfect. Not only do they draw me closer to the Father’s heart, but they help me understand my relationship with Him even better. He pursues me through them. The Spirit speaks truth to me, calls me higher, consoles me, and accompanies me. His love for me is so evident through the way that they love me. Their authentic friendship exemplifies Christ’s friendship and leads me to His Sacred Heart. This is the desired reality for everyone. 

How has accepting or coming to more greatly understand that our belovedness is an inherent reality of who we are, is something that we could never earn or lose, changed your life? How has it directly affected your relationship with God, as well as how you encounter both yourself and others?

Accepting my belovedness is an ongoing process. My word for the year is ‘restore’ and so far it’s mostly been God guiding me in restoring my identity as the beloved. I know it to be true, but struggle to believe it. Our deepest identity is being the beloved daughter of the Father. The more I come to grasp that truth and the love that comes with it, the more freedom I find. I have no need to compare myself or even worry over anything, because I am His and He is a perfect Father. I can rest in the fact that I do not have to strive or earn love. I am already unconditionally loved and intentionally pursued. 

My own struggles and witnessing how the Shepherd pursues me like the one lost sheep has increased my compassion and love for others. As I abide in His heart, my eyes are more opened to see Christ in myself and everyone I meet. I want to allow Him to use me to play even a small role in defeating the lies that pick away at our interior freedom. I strive to make each person I encounter feel seen and loved. We are chosen. We are loved. We are pursued.

This interview was compiled and edited by Ashley Hinojosa