Becoming Free In My Individuality
Interview with Emily Burt
Part Two from our “Freedom from Comparison” Series
Photo by Taisiia Stupak
Introduction
We are beloved. There is nothing we can do to earn or lose this inherent truth. However, it can be difficult to live this truth in our daily lives –especially in a world filled with ever new and constant demands and influences that require so much of us, to be more: more accomplished, more fit, more popular. In fact, sometimes, we’ll look up and find ourselves stuck in the false reality we have created for ourselves instead of living into the belovedness He desires for us.
Whether we’re trying to lose weight, be noticed for our Instagram posts, or make it look like we have a perfectly fulfilling life, we’re constantly striving to be “better,” when we should be aspiring to be made whole.
When comparison strikes, we limit our capacity to engage our belovedness –to love and to be loved. We cannot give of ourselves when we fail to recognize who we are. Likewise, we cannot fully receive the gift of another. We pray these interviews help bring you into an ongoing conversation about a very familiar issue. Freedom from comparison can be a lifelong battle for many of us, but in spending our lives remembering who God is to us, He’ll remind us who we are to Him.
Interview with Emily
Emily is a spunky, curly haired creator with a passion for authenticity, individuality, and creative forms of self-expression, specifically through social media platforms. Raised in South Carolina, she lives in Pittsburgh, PA, though her heart lies in Phoenix, Arizona. Not many things can easily move her to tears but ducks are certainly one of them. She is halfway done with a full tattooed leg sleeve and can often be found wearing high top yellow converse.
Tell us about what your journey with insecurity and comparison has looked like, as a Catholic woman.
Growing up I was always an odd kid. I didn’t learn how to properly read until 5th grade, I had unique interests, and I was the only girl amongst my 3 brothers, making it hard to understand and relate to other girls my age. Those whispers of self-doubt festered throughout adolescence and still to this day, can creep into my mind with false insecurities. “You’re not bright,” “You don’t know your career path,” “You’re not a ‘traditionally feminine; Catholic woman”... The last one makes my eyes roll to the back of my head.
My relationship with social media has drastically changed with time but during high school, it became my encyclopedia for learning how to conform to the mold of acceptance. I specifically looked up to three girls at my high school and attempted to mimic their mannerisms on social media all for the sake of approval. It’s safe to say, I failed and thank goodness I did.
However, this use of social media as a teenager still bled into my life and the symptoms of it still remain today. There are days I look in the mirror and become annoyed with how my hips do not come to a smooth curve and instead take a dip before reaching my legs. Or, there are days I catch myself becoming annoyed with my lack of poise and my overall loudness or obnoxiousness. However, through my journey in faith, I’ve come to learn why God has created me this way.
The insecurities of my body I have been able to accept. I know that throughout life my body will change and shift, and there is only so much I can do to alter my own physical appearance. Likewise, I know that, objectively, there are women more beautiful than I, but in no way is it a reflection of my own “lack” of beauty. Instead, I find myself being poked by insecurity through my personality, intellect, and the inner realities of my person. We as women just want to “have our stuff together.” This means being liked, having motivation and drive, being healthy, having knowledge of what the future holds, and truly taking control of our own lives. Why are we so desperate for control when almost every aspect in our lives is not in our own hands?
When insecurity sneaks in, it takes a small truth and distorts it to make us turn inwardly on ourselves. When I have identified my train of thought being driven through insecurity, I often acknowledge the small modes of truth while sifting out the lies that surround it. For example, am I insecure about my next step in life? The truth is, yes, I don’t fully know what I’m doing career wise. Does this mean I am incompetent? Or that I will never find my way? No! Insecurity takes realities that are not intrinsically bad, and masks them in lies. Suppressing or ignoring insecurity results into wounds being buried deeper only to come back louder and stronger. However, we find freedom in deconstructing the lies of our insecurities and accepting what we cannot control.
How has friendship played a role in your stride towards freedom from comparison?
It was hard for me to relate and understand other girls my age. However, as I grew up and entered into adulthood, I found myself surrounded by like-minded, holy women. We were able to reveal our own insecurities, dreams, and thoughts to each other and came to a full understanding that we were not alone. As authentic community grows, insecurity and comparison becomes weaker and our eyes are opened to the unique and individual Imago Dei in one another. Throughout all different seasons in my life, I felt radically loved by Christ through the community of people He surrounded me with. Their friendship did not arise insecurity within me, but instead, I fell deeper in love with the woman God had created me to be because of what they saw in me. They saw me as someone worthy of love, and likewise, I was empowered to love them with the Lord’s love. Similarly, these friendships did not breed comparison with one another as we celebrated our gifts, talents, and successes together. The vastly different personalities, backgrounds, charisms, and aspects of each person is truly an incredible witness to how God pursues us in our individuality.
How has accepting or coming to more greatly understand that our belovedness is an inherent reality of who we are, is something that we could never earn nor lose, changed your life? How has it directly affected your relationship with God, as well as how you encounter both yourself and others?
Through this transformation of living a life ruled by insecurity and comparison, to becoming more free (I’m human. It’s a lifelong battle.) in my own individuality, uniqueness, and confidence, the Lord’s design of our personhood blooms. I think back to all the times I felt smothered in God’s love and I recognize that they were times that I denied my own insecurity and asked Him to reveal to me who I was. He showed me that I was capable of more than I could imagine, made only possibly through Himself. Christ found me worthy even when I didn’t. He called me on to discover more of who He created me to be, even if this meant leaving the comfortable corner insecurity pushes us into. It takes guts. And it’s hard work. It’s not easy to rid away insecurity. But in it, God reveals His love to us over and over again, allowing us to fall in love with ourselves, and more importantly, Him. By living in authenticity that is not dictated by comparison and insecurity, we are able to experience the Father’s deep love for us, simply in who He created us to be.
This interview was compiled and edited by Ashley Hinojosa