Comfort for an Anxious Heart
Interview with Lizzie Gross
Part One from our “Help My Unbelief” Series
Photo by Annie Spratt
Interview with Lizzie
How would you describe your faith journey? What place has unbelief had in it?
I’ve always believed in God, and when I was about 16 I began to know Jesus in a personal way, and that started to change my life. However, I’ve always been an anxious person and that has always played a part in my faith journey. I’ve found it hard to believe that I can trust God, that He wants good things for me and that He is actually leading me. I also did not believe that God could heal me, I believed I would be like this for ever.
What effect has your struggle with unbelief had on the way that you relate to God?
For quite some time I related to him in a pleading way – asking only for his help and to take hard things away. I saw Him as someone I could mostly rely on, but also as someone who was responsible for my emotions and situations. As I’ve grown closer to God and more confident in myself, I’ve been able to balance out this way of relating, and now seek to focus on gratitude and ways of relating that build trust.
How did your experience of unbelief affect you personally? What did you notice about how you thought about, felt toward, and reacted to this unbelief?
I felt helpless in my anxiety, I was asking for a miracle cure. Meanwhile, God wanted to take me on a journey and help me learn more about myself, and use the resources He’d given me to fight fear. This unbelief that God could heal me and was trustworthy led me to relate to my anxiety as something I would always have, and something that made me less loved and less effective for His kingdom. I reacted to this unbelief as truth in my life. The journey God took me on, and continues to offer me, looked like inviting me to live away from home, breaking the ties of dependence I had on my parents and family. It also led to me attending counseling to work through some of the issues causing my anxiety. Through these experiences, I (very slowly!) learned that God is my one true constant. I also learned that tools such as counseling are not a thing to be ashamed of, but gifts God gave me to learn to trust Him and learn to trust that He made me good.
What have you heard God say to you in the midst of your unbelief?
For a long time, I felt led to different scripture passages that encouraged me in my unbelief that I could be free, and that God was trustworthy. Psalm 121 and Gal 5:1 are two that were very important in those times and continue to be sources of encouragement and strength for me.
What practices have you found helpful to combat the unbelief you experience? Where do you find hope?
I find it very helpful to look back at my life and call to mind times when God showed himself to be trustworthy and did not abandon me. For every time I have experienced unbelief God has come close to me, reassured me and given me strength for the next moment, my faith is strengthened and I have another reason for trust. I find hope in the journey He has already brought me on, as well as the stories of others and the example of holy men and women who have persevered in faith.
Is there a saint or other spiritual figure that helps you during times of unbelief? In what ways?
St. Joseph has been a helpful example to me of humble trust and obedience to God. He did not fully know what this life he was saying yes to would entail, yet he moved forward in trust. He also seemed to have a quiet, everyday living kind of faith – which is a faith I can relate to, yet that faith was the foundation for his bold decisions and trust!
Lizzie is a wife, mother, missionary & administrator. She grew up in Glasgow,Scotland and completed her Bachelor's Degree at the University of Glasgow, majoring in French & Italian. She moved to Minnesota in 2012 to work as a missionary for Saint Paul’s Outreach, and to her surprise, kept deciding to stay and has now made Minnesota her home! Her work with SPO also led her to working for a high school youth group - both roles still occupy her work today. Lizzie works part-time – administrating the ASCEND conference for SPO and supervising & administrating the CCR youth group.
This interview was compiled and edited by Michelle Rash