Washing of the Feet and Glorifying God through Love
Letter from Lauren Doodian
Photo by Elia Pellegrini
Dear Sisters and Friends in Christ,
For many years, I struggled with the notion that I wasn’t very good at anything. I had a friend who was a star swimmer, friends who were in all honors classes, a friend who was the lead in the school play, and friends who just seemed to have it all together. And then there was me. I was in the choir, but never had any solos. I worked hard in school, but didn’t quite make it to the honors track. I gave up on all sports because after age 13, all coordination I seemed to have stayed behind in my childhood years. I was under the impression that because I wasn’t the “best” at these things, I wasn’t good at these things. And because I wasn’t the very “best” there was nothing special about me. This was something I carried from high school into my first years of college.
While in college, I was part of the Core Team through Campus Ministry. I loved being part of a team that helped meet students right where they were, by providing them a space to ask the deep questions, unburden themselves from their day-to-day struggles, and really develop a deep relationship with God. It was one of the biggest privileges of my life and one I will never forget.
During my sophomore year, I was serving on a select team for a retreat called Encounter with Christ. The role I was assigned on the team was Prayer Coordinator, so it was my job to start off and end each day of the retreat with a prayer reflection. To be honest, when I was appointed to this role, I was disappointed. I wanted the chance to share my testimony, but instead, I just had to lead grace before we ate and read some scripture and reflect on it.
Because of my unenthusiastic view of my role, I procrastinated big time on coming up with my reflections. I had no idea what I was going to do and it really bit me in the butt. When I tried to come up with an idea, everything seemed lame or done before. All I wanted to do was come up with something that had the retreat participants feel loved, feel valued, and feel ready to jump into the retreat weekend. I couldn’t believe I had let my ego get in the way of fulfilling my responsibilities to the team and to the retreat participants.
I just prayed, “Come Holy Spirit. My opinion of myself has me blind. I don’t have any ideas and I’m screwed. Humble me, Lord.” Not the most eloquent of prayers, but one said with true sincerity. I sat there hoping for a lightning bolt to come strike me with an idea. But nothing happened. I’m pretty sure I groaned in a bratty sort of way, until I realized I had my Bible sitting on my desk. I decided to open it.
I opened to the Gospel of John, Chapter 13: The Washing of the Disciple’s Feet. I read the passage over and over and thought: “We couldn’t do that, could we?”
I did ask to be humbled, didn’t I? And what is more profoundly humble than Jesus, Savior of the World, washing his friends’ stinky, dirty feet? “This is it.” I thought, “The team will wash all of the participants’ feet, to show them we’re here to serve them, just as Jesus did.”
“What if people think it’s weird?” “What if the team hates the idea?” “What if this is the dumbest thing I’ve ever thought of?” Without even proofreading it I sent it in. If everyone hated it, at least it wasn’t my idea, it was the Holy Spirit’s!
In spite of my fears, the team ended up loving the idea. On the first night of the retreat weekend, the team prayed together, asking the Lord to bless our hands and hearts as we ministered to those forty college students. We lined up forty chairs to face each other, placing twenty chairs on each side with an aisle in the middle. When the time came, we asked the participants to pick a chair to sit in. I read the verses from John, reading out to them how Jesus washed His friends’ feet. As I read the words, I saw the light bulbs go off in some people’s heads. There was an awkward air in the room. They reacted as Saint Peter did, uncomfortable at the idea of someone washing their feet in this way. I assured them, “Please don’t feel self conscious about your feet or feel like you can’t receive this love. We’re here for you and we want you to know that.” Thankfully, they all agreed and began to take off their shoes and socks.
The team partnered off. One person held the pitcher and the other held the bowl to catch the water and wipe the feet. To make sure that we had the time to devote to each participant, each pair took care of five participants each. Together, we took the time to look up at each participant in the face, smile, and perform this act of love. As I washed each person’s feet, I started to notice around the room that the awkward discomfort melted away. Slowly but surely, almost every single person in that room had tears in their eyes.
The Washing of the Feet had an indescribable and emotional impact on both the team and the participants. Tears were shed, hugs were given, and hearts were opened for Jesus. It was the perfect kickoff to the retreat because it created a vulnerability in the participants and a humility in the team to receive that vulnerability. In fact, the Washing of the Feet became an activity that would be carried out on the retreats for several years after. All because I asked the Holy Spirit for an idea. If I had been given a testimony, or one of what I thought would be the more “glamorous” role on the team, this opportunity for healing and nurturing wouldn’t have come to be. If I had been the “best” I may not have asked to be humbled. And if I didn’t ask to be humbled, there’s no way I could’ve thought of this idea on my own.
This experience taught me that to nurture, love, and care for others, you truly have to humble yourself. Your shortcomings, your flaws, your imperfections, and above all your ego, have to be surrendered to Jesus. We have the perfect model to show us how to do this well: the Cross. When your life leads you to something you didn’t ask for, you didn’t want, or you don’t feel capable of handling, know that God has chosen you for this task because of the woman you are. Being a Catholic woman today often feels like standing at a rough, wavy shoreline, but He chose us for this very time. We are lighthouses, sisters, the light of Christ, standing tall on the rock of faith for all to see. This is why as women, we need to support and nurture each other. In my own faith journey, there have been so many women in my life who have shown me their strength and courage. Their souls are what helped guide me and inspire me to walk in truth. Sometimes we ourselves serve as the lighthouse. Other times, we’re the ones being guided by the light in others. Our light nurtures as a beacon of hope and our love is what allows us to care for all, especially when we ask God for help in doing so. Trust in Him.
Handwritten quote from the writer
In life, you don’t have to be the best at anything. I have surrendered the notion of being best to Jesus and I suggest you do the same. Nothing is more liberating. When we believe the lies that convince us otherwise, whether it’s being best or prettiest or smartest or whatever, we lose sight of the purpose for which we are created. Instead of serving as lighthouses for other women, this unhealthy competition becomes the darkness and fog which leads us away from the light waiting for us at the shore. God has gifted you with your spirit, your soul. There’s no one else like you in the entire world. Knowing this about myself, that no one else can shine or love like me, is what makes me special and unique. My love, not being the best, is what makes me me. No matter how you choose to do good in your life, as long as it’s done to glorify God and done with love in your heart, failure is impossible and being best becomes irrelevant. The fire in your soul starts with a single flame and when it’s shared with others, it sets the world ablaze.
As Saint Catherine of Siena said, “Be who God meant you to be and set the world on fire.”
I can’t wait to see your fire.
All my prayers and love,
Lauren Doodian
About the Writer: Lauren Doodian
Lauren is a daughter, sister, aunt, friend, and native Long Islander who loves NY bagels, tea, trivia, books, and movie marathons. Traveling is one of her absolute favorite hobbies. She’s been to 14 different countries and hopes to one day live in a stone cottage in the Irish countryside. Her favorite saint is Saint Therese of Lisieux. Lauren has centered her career on health policy research, particularly around elder care and advocacy. She’s the ultimate hype- woman, which helped lead her to begin her faith-based positivity blog, The Blessed Buzz. You can follow her on Instagram @theblessedbuzz.
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Reflect on a time when you were disappointed with a role you were placed in or a new task you were given responsibility for. When did you realize you were underestimating the significance of the work? How has God revealed his grace to you through that work?
Take a moment to pray and thank God for the way He is helping you grow through disappointments.
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