I knelt in the last pew of the little adoration chapel, reflecting on my Wednesday workday and trying to motivate myself to pray the Rosary when a middle-aged Hispanic woman entered. She shuffled past me, dropped to her knees in front of the monstrance and lifted her hands.
Read MoreMost of my trip to Lourdes was spent asking the Lord to reveal where in my life I needed the most healing, and after sitting in the queue for over an hour, meditating on rosary after rosary, I was finally ushered inside to ask the Blessed Mother to heal my heart from a life of past abuse.
Read MoreI’ve always had a fascination with the wind. I love the way it seems to move just about everything in creation, from the tallest of trees to the small, cut shavings of grass. I love the way wind can send shivers up your spine or give our bodies a small moment of respite on a hot, muggy day. I love thinking about how the wind makes animals run for shelter or makes the trees whistle and whisper to one another.
Read MoreFor many years, I struggled with the notion that I wasn’t very good at anything. I had a friend who was a star swimmer, friends who were in all honors classes, a friend who was the lead in the school play, and friends who just seemed to have it all together. And then there was me.
Read MoreEight months after we got married, I took a pregnancy test at 3 am. It was positive. Although my husband was amazingly supportive of our NFP journey, NFP was my idea. And we weren’t trying to conceive that month! After four hours of panicked Hail Marys, I finally nudged my husband, Taylor, awake (silently sending up one last prayer that he would receive the news well!). He was overjoyed!
Read MoreSisters, when we are lost, God asks us: “what happened to you and where are you?” Imagine what your life would look like if fear, anxiety, doubt or worry did not dictate any of your decisions. Imagine letting go of control, of your own carefully crafted plan for your life and trusting that God’s plan and timing are so much better than what we can conjure up for ourselves. Imagine surrendering everything. What would your life look like?
Read MoreThis is the important thing, I think: longing for Heaven must be felt. We must allow this thirst for our true home to grow in us. There is real pain in this world, but there is also real beauty. It is our sacred duty to hold these two things in tension. We must be like Mary at the foot of the Cross, contemplating her crucified Son. We must be like Anna beholding the risen Son, and let the glory of God radiate through our broken bodies, lighting the way home.
Read MoreI reminded myself that I love to make music and that this is a beautiful gift to be able to share with the world every day. Yes, I still have to spend time practicing and striving to be better, but I have come to recognize that I am good, and I am doing enough. I’m still working on how to translate this idea I’ve developed with music into the rest of my life. But what gives me the strength and determination to move on from my perfectionism is the word of God in Isaiah 43:4, “Because you are precious in my eyes and glorious, and because I love you.”
Read MoreAs a Catholic woman, I feel called to that bravery that brought me to Catholicism in the first place. The bravery of a yes to God no matter what lies on the other side. The bravery of searching with my whole heart. My journey to the Catholic Church was not the end of my pursuit of Christ. In fact, I understand the Sacramental Life to be just the opposite: it’s the perpetual seeking and finding more of the Lord. A way of living where my yes is not only figurative, it’s tangible.
Read MoreUpon returning home, I did a lot of reflecting on this trip and why God called me there. And I realized that God doesn’t always give us the answers to our prayers in simple terms. At some times, I’m still confused as to what my calling might me. But through this experience, through God’s love, and through the sense of community I found in Honduras, I’ve learned that I am called to simply love my neighbors. Yes, I’m still unsure of what career I should pursue, but I’ve learned that if I love the people right in front of me and treat them with kindness, God will provide the rest.
Read MoreI am coming to realize that being surrendered doesn’t have to mean accepting every possible tragedy in advance. Being surrendered doesn’t have to mean having a nonchalant attitude towards the things you love and care about. I don’t need to stake my identity in my ability to surrender “correctly.” Surrender can simply mean loosening my grip on expectation. Surrender can mean practicing gratitude in the moment.
Read MoreSisters, sometimes I forget that in order to experience the mercy of God, I have to experience some weakness. I fear weakness, and my first instinct when it comes my way is usually to protest: “God, why did you let this happen to me?” (In this case, it was, “God, why did you let me get sick?”) It’s a frustrating question, but I’ve learned that the only answer that ever really satisfies me is this: in my struggle, He shows up. He’s still there. In my weakest moments, in the moments when I experience most intensely the fallen-ness and hardships of life, He works all the more to shower me with His mercy, turning all the trials in my life into grace and beauty.
Read MoreSisters, through tremendous sorrow, my eyes were opened to the greatest and most selfless true love, shown on the cross of Jesus Christ. My Jesus, who as He was dying was thinking not of Himself, but of others. Of us. Of you. Of me. My Jesus, who loves everyone no matter how blind to Him. I saw that selfless love reflected in my mom, who in her agony kept thinking of others. My mom, who, as she lay dying, was thinking of me
Read MoreOur Lord took this hardened heart of mine, this heart that had kept people and Him at a safe arm’s length away, and softened and molded it into a new creation. Day by day, the Lord helped me recognize and receive love. At first in the smallest of things: a friend doing my dishes after a dinner party I hosted, a coworker buying lunch for me, a stranger leaving an encouraging note on my desk.
Read MoreIn the past, I thought suffering was something to be avoided at all costs. Now I know that when suffering comes, I can offer it as a gift to God on behalf of my brothers and sisters in Christ. While it might not take the pain away, I trust that God uses my humble gift to add seeds of grace and light and peace to a world that desperately needs it. We all suffer in some way, whether it is physically, emotionally, or a combination of both. Sister, I want you to know that God can make your pain beautiful if you let Him.
Read MoreThe consoling knowledge of the “communion of saints” continues to support me on my journey of grief. It is wonderful to know that those that we love need not be dismissed as “dead and gone.” There is the wonderful Reality that life goes on, beyond the grave. I can hope that my dad is “putting in a good word for me” now, that he is currently experiencing reality more fully than the rest of us in the Church here on earth.
Read MoreAs I cried in my bathroom, I told God how sick I am of fighting against my body. I told Him how exhausted I am of trying to love myself only to fail. I told Him how I didn’t understand how I was good even in my overweightness. I told Him how frustrated I was that I didn’t feel comfortable dressing in the clothes I wanted to.
I got out of the shower and stared at myself in the mirror once more. Suddenly, God said:
“You are so, so much more than the clothes you wear. There is so much more to you than that.”
But while sitting in front of the Eucharist, the Lord pointed out that I am a human being, not a human doing.
I don’t need to prove myself. The arbitrary limitations I have set are a result of my own pride, not based on the truth of who He is. I have distorted my perception of His affection from loving to loving only if I can be a perfect robot of holy conduct and charity. God’s mercy is not dependent on my actions, but in my identity as His creation.
Read MoreWe sat there, my mom, dad, and I as the man in the white coat leaned against the counter next to alcohol swabs and sterilized medical things. When he said, “Stage III Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer,” I looked to mom as I always did when I didn’t understand the medical jargon.
Read MoreMy Chevrolet Equinox has seen a lot: over 92,000 miles of American highways and gravel backroads, nights of shared laughter and spilled Sonic drinks, flowing tears and back-seat napping, countless passengers (human and canine) riding shotgun, solo concerts and long phone calls.
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