I don’t know if the experience at that church was the origin of my religious obsessive-compulsive issues, but it has always stood out in my mind as a piece of the puzzle. I think I was born naturally inclined to seek control, and so a mixture of fear and a desire for control propelled my faith forward as I grew up.
Read MoreGrowing up, I was afraid to fail. I was completely afraid to admit when I was wrong, to lose a game of backyard baseball, a family game of monopoly, the list goes on. At times my fear of failure would actually stop me from experiencing new opportunities.
Read MoreIt all started with Lent. I wound up experiencing a lot of suffering throughout the Lent of my junior year in college in various different aspects of my life. In my relationships, in my schoolwork, and even in my mental health… Coping with my depression and anxiety started to become more and more difficult.
Read MoreMost of my trip to Lourdes was spent asking the Lord to reveal where in my life I needed the most healing, and after sitting in the queue for over an hour, meditating on rosary after rosary, I was finally ushered inside to ask the Blessed Mother to heal my heart from a life of past abuse.
Read MoreFor many years, I struggled with the notion that I wasn’t very good at anything. I had a friend who was a star swimmer, friends who were in all honors classes, a friend who was the lead in the school play, and friends who just seemed to have it all together. And then there was me.
Read MoreIt was a hot and muggy Wednesday evening as I sat alone in a church pew for adoration. Sweat was soaking the back of my shirt, tears were streaming down my face, and my only thought as I knelt before the golden monstrance and the Blessed Sacrament within was “What the heck am I doing here, God?”
Read MoreI am coming to realize that being surrendered doesn’t have to mean accepting every possible tragedy in advance. Being surrendered doesn’t have to mean having a nonchalant attitude towards the things you love and care about. I don’t need to stake my identity in my ability to surrender “correctly.” Surrender can simply mean loosening my grip on expectation. Surrender can mean practicing gratitude in the moment.
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