The moment my motherhood changed was when my fourth child was eleven months old. The other kids were ages 6, 5, and 3. We were all in the kitchen when I lost it on them for what seemed like the hundredth time that morning. And then I saw it: the look of fear in their eyes. I realized my children were afraid of me.
Read MoreIt all started with Lent. I wound up experiencing a lot of suffering throughout the Lent of my junior year in college in various different aspects of my life. In my relationships, in my schoolwork, and even in my mental health… Coping with my depression and anxiety started to become more and more difficult.
Read MoreI’ve always had a fascination with the wind. I love the way it seems to move just about everything in creation, from the tallest of trees to the small, cut shavings of grass. I love the way wind can send shivers up your spine or give our bodies a small moment of respite on a hot, muggy day. I love thinking about how the wind makes animals run for shelter or makes the trees whistle and whisper to one another.
Read MoreAs I cried in my bathroom, I told God how sick I am of fighting against my body. I told Him how exhausted I am of trying to love myself only to fail. I told Him how I didn’t understand how I was good even in my overweightness. I told Him how frustrated I was that I didn’t feel comfortable dressing in the clothes I wanted to.
I got out of the shower and stared at myself in the mirror once more. Suddenly, God said:
“You are so, so much more than the clothes you wear. There is so much more to you than that.”
But while sitting in front of the Eucharist, the Lord pointed out that I am a human being, not a human doing.
I don’t need to prove myself. The arbitrary limitations I have set are a result of my own pride, not based on the truth of who He is. I have distorted my perception of His affection from loving to loving only if I can be a perfect robot of holy conduct and charity. God’s mercy is not dependent on my actions, but in my identity as His creation.
Read MoreJesus gets it. He understands every human emotion we may feel. And when I’m feeling anxious, I often reflect on Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane. The fear He must’ve felt is beyond anything I could imagine.
Read More“I just don’t think I’ll ever be happy.” Saying these words out loud to my spiritual director changed my life, and I want to reach out to you with some hope if you’ve ever found yourself in a similar situation.
Read More(Photo by Jennifer Burk) My eating disorder took hold of my life. I was so drained and numb, like a walking zombie. I was just trying to get by, and I only prayed when I was laying in bed with no energy to move. I had been to a few on-campus counselors while I was in college, who tried to tell me to “just eat” or just believe that my body was a temple of the Holy Spirit. That was the last thing I could believe.
Read MoreLast November before my 20th birthday, I planned on killing myself. I felt I was worth nothing and had no purpose. I didn’t know what to do anymore. I felt as if I were a robot. I was working 80 hours a week and sleeping the rest. I was so lost that I dug myself into a deep well of depression.
Read MoreThe story of Jesus raising Jarius’ daughter from the dead is one I come back to again and again. …How often I’ve been in the shoes of these angry, grieving family members, and how often I’ve been this little girl, pronounced dead to the world.
Read More“It was an ordinary moment on a mundane day when I realized that the darkness was back. I’d run into a friend who works at my doctor’s office, and as she checked me out, she asked how I was doing. I wanted to simply say, ‘Fine,’ but I couldn’t keep the tears from filling my eyes….”
Read More“We all have different paths that lead us to God, don’t we? At the end of our earthly lives all of us will hopefully be able to look back and say, ‘Ah, so that’s why I went through that.’ For me that path has been depression.”
Read More"My name is Chelsea, I am 30 years old, mother to three little girls. As I write this I am watching my oldest play on the porch. It's a warm, spring day. She's singing and playing with sticks in the sunshine. It's a beautiful moment..."
Read MoreIf I’ve learned anything in the last two years in my struggle with anxiety, it’s that life isn't wrapped up in a little bow, easy to understand or accept. It's much, much messier.
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