When I said yes to marry my fiancé on December 26, 2019, nothing could have prepared me for all the challenges that would come between my engagement and when we say “I do” in December 2020.
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I don’t always share my gifts. Sometimes I let them be just for me - for me and my time with God, or for the times I need to relax and recharge. But sometimes I know that what has been on my mind and heart needs to be released. It needs to express itself in some way specifically so that it can be shared. Those are the times my love for art, dance, and writing is transformed and my gifts are placed at the service of others.
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A couple of years ago in college, I led a confirmation retreat. Even though I was dealing with a lot of anxiety about my relationship and vocation at that time, this retreat allowed me to leave all that for just a bit and focus on our 7th- and 8th-grade students. What a blessing that was!
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Growing up, I was afraid to fail. I was completely afraid to admit when I was wrong, to lose a game of backyard baseball, a family game of monopoly, the list goes on. At times my fear of failure would actually stop me from experiencing new opportunities.
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Growing up, I was the youngest of four girls and I was always the one who had a doll in my arms with a bottle, a blanket and anything else that I thought my baby needed. All my dreams of growing up were of being a mom. It was all I ever wanted: to get married, start a family and be a stay-at-home mom.
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Dear Reader,
One of our Lord’s most remarkable qualities is His ability to bring positive results from negative events. Saint Ignatius, for example, suffered a brutal injury on the battlefield. During his rehab, he had his conversion.
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I’ve always had a fascination with the wind. I love the way it seems to move just about everything in creation, from the tallest of trees to the small, cut shavings of grass. I love the way wind can send shivers up your spine or give our bodies a small moment of respite on a hot, muggy day. I love thinking about how the wind makes animals run for shelter or makes the trees whistle and whisper to one another.
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God speaks to each of us in the language He has written into our hearts and learning to listen to His voice and let our hearts speak to His through creative artistic expression is a joy-filled and life-giving dialogue. The beauty we co-create with our Lord is not a masterpiece to be hung in a gallery, but the masterpiece of our own broken hearts and lives becoming whole and radiant with His infinite colors and Light.
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In this mini-documentary, Lauren shares how her relationship with the great female saints of the Catholic Church empowered her understanding of womanhood and inspired the creation of her business Brick House in the City.
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I reminded myself that I love to make music and that this is a beautiful gift to be able to share with the world every day. Yes, I still have to spend time practicing and striving to be better, but I have come to recognize that I am good, and I am doing enough. I’m still working on how to translate this idea I’ve developed with music into the rest of my life. But what gives me the strength and determination to move on from my perfectionism is the word of God in Isaiah 43:4, “Because you are precious in my eyes and glorious, and because I love you.”
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But what I do know is that each day of juggle and wonder and struggle and worry is stretching me to the shape of God’s intentions. His plan for me is so much greater than any “ideal” story I tell myself in my head or compare against someone else’s. And though I’m currently struggling with “balancing it all” as a working, Catholic mother, I know in the end my story is pushing me toward my ultimate salvation.
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We sat there, my mom, dad, and I as the man in the white coat leaned against the counter next to alcohol swabs and sterilized medical things. When he said, “Stage III Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer,” I looked to mom as I always did when I didn’t understand the medical jargon.
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Throughout my life I had worn a mask of holiness, faith, happiness, and purposeful living by praying, going to mass, and playing the “good Catholic girl” only because it was expected. There was no desire in my heart for a real relationship with God, and it seemed more than sufficient that I simply go through the motions.
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Out of uncertainty, a Way unfolds. Jesus consistently receives my mysterious desires and prepares places carefully designed for me. Authentic friendships, joyful community, work that draws on my unique gifts. Glorifying God in my body means saying ‘yes’ to my life. It means throwing myself into the tasks and relationships I have been given instead of lamenting the ones I haven't.
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I want to share a snippet of this journey of overcoming self-doubt and embracing my role as an artist with you. I also want to encourage other women to recognize in themselves their creative capacity, and explore how spiritual and physical motherhood reflect the role of the Creator in the deepest way.
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Dorothy Day once said, “Don’t call me a Saint. I don’t want to be dismissed so easily.” I know what she meant there.
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As I sat in the Adoration chapel, I tentatively laid out my dreams before God. My hopes for my vocation, my dreams to serve and create, my hopes for life-giving joy. But I was pulling back. I expressed my desire for fulfillment, but I did not dare voice how I hoped they would be molded specifically to my own heart.
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There is tremendous power in learning to be at home with yourself.
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It took more than three brutal years of striving and posturing to realize that I already had a love story. In fact, I was a part of the greatest love story of all time.
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“You know, they call it a mid-life crisis, but does anyone else feel like it’s more like a daily-life crisis? That may be a little dramatic but I’m sure you can relate to those moments throughout your life that you look around thinking what the heck, where do I go from here?”
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