Letter from Liz Homick

Woman walking into an empty church as sunlight streams through stained glass windows.

Photo by Thomas Vitali

Dear Friend,

A couple of years ago in college, I led a confirmation retreat. Even though I was dealing with a lot of anxiety about my relationship and vocation at that time, this retreat allowed me to leave all that for just a bit and focus on our 7th- and 8th-grade students. What a blessing that was! I got to meet so many beautiful young adults growing in their Catholic faith and lead with people who gave touching witness stories and even more inspirational advice and wisdom.

One talk that really touched me was from my college friend. She told the story of her sister who suffers from Marfan syndrome, a genetic disorder that harms how the body’s connective tissue grows, and how painful it can be. As she shared her testimony, she explained that, although at first she didn’t understand why God would allow her sister to suffer so much, my friend realized that it is through her suffering that she was able to come face-to-face with Jesus every day. She said:

“Jesus does not come to take away our suffering, but to teach us how to suffer.”

Later in adoration during the retreat, a glorious image popped into my head. Being a book-lover and living for imagination and creativity, one of the ways I truly know and see God is through words, art, and most importantly, through imagery.

In this particular image I saw Jesus, right at the time of His Passion, and it’s Good Friday. Jesus is carrying His cross to His death, to Calvary. He is covered in blood and dirt and sweat all coagulating together on His skin, but His white garment is still clean. He’s struggling and dragging and moaning as He carries His cross to the ultimate sacrifice, and I’m there beside Him. But it’s not me now, a 21-year-old grown woman; I am there as five-year-old Liz, curly hair, innocent and happy. And I’m walking beside Jesus on this journey, one of pain and sorrow, holding only His pinkie. The Lord Jesus then looks down at me and smiles, and I look back up at Him asking, “Jesus, are you sure you don’t want me to do anything else? Don’t you need my help?” Smiling down once more at His little girl, Jesus responds, “Oh no my little Lizzy, you being with me, holding on to me, trusting me, is all I ever need.” And we keep going.

We’ve all personally known suffering. For me, it was having IBS conditions since high school, emotional and physical scarring of my horrible acne, bullying, family problems, anxiety, eating disorders, the list continues. For me now, it is struggling to find out what God is calling me to as a soon-to-be college graduate. I look at Christ every day with this image, and I am still painfully torn over where I should be taking my vocation, how to follow my heart while also following Christ along this path to Calvary. I want to use my creative heart to find the path that lets me use my talents and passions for Him, but I fear that I am not enough, that my aspirations aren’t worthy, that I am lost and don’t know where I am going. The uncertainty I have about the future is terrifying and overwhelming, especially in times like these.

Maybe it doesn’t look like this for you, but I’m sure there are wounds that hurt so deeply, that you want to escape – me too. Yet, even while intimately holding hands with suffering, I never learned how to own it, how to fight it without putting all the pressure on myself, without trying to be my own hero. This image helps me with that. Knowing that if I ask, Jesus will take my sufferings, trials, doubts, fears, and anxieties and die with them on the cross, is such a relief. If I let Him, He will walk to Calvary with me and bear the burdens of my sins simply because He loves me. In this image, Jesus is calling me to trust Him, to give Him everything and anything, and to let Him take care of it and me. He wants me to humbly ask Him for help, and He promises He will answer.

After being blessed with this beautiful image, I shared it with my roommate, my friends, a girl I found crying in adoration who was begging for help, for someone to take her pain away. Suddenly I found that God gave me this image so I could help others understand their suffering too. No, sharing my story didn’t change their suffering, or take it away, but it helps them put their situations in perspective knowing that Jesus is right there with them.

I learned that who I am and the gifts God gave me are to be shared with those around me, that those gifts could show Christ to the person who needs it most. Just like what my friend did for me on retreat. Just like I hope to do with my vocation every day of my life.

I love my creative heart because in it, God knows me. He knows what I love and how I need help. He knows how to make my heart stir and how I can help others feel that way too. I don’t know how God is further calling me to use the imagination set in my heart, but I am certain His Son will lead me there if I so let Him.

Your sister-in-Christ,

Liz

Photo of Liz

About the Writer: Liz Homick is a senior History major graduating this summer from the University of Maryland. When she isn’t reading, making puns, or creating new phrases when necessary, you can usually find her sharing her love of Christ with others, or at least just trying to make them laugh. Liz is currently preparing to be a cast member this fall at Walt Disney World where she’ll be the newest parishioner at the Basilica of the National Shrine of Mary, Queen of the Universe. She loves smoothies, being a Catholic Terp, her dog Reggie, and bear hugging her friends and family.