Letter from Janet Quinlan

Beautiful image depicting a woman walking down a long corridor. She is walking down her vocational path to holiness.

Photo by Christina Gottardi

Dear Daughter –

As I turned to say my final good-bye to my last child packed off to college, I could barely look at him, much less speak. We hugged a good long time, then I whispered, “Good-bye, I love you. Be good.” I went out to the car, away from his sight and cried that ugly cry. And just like that, the hardest and best time of my life was ending.

My years of mothering seven children are nearly over. Everyone wants to tell you that you’re still their mother – and you obviously are. But it is different, as it should be. Your children long for independence and are beginning their detachment from you. The other consolation people try to give when your children leave is to tell you how great being a grandparent will be. We have thirteen grandchildren, and it is great. But it isn’t like my motherhood.

I began motherhood with the seeds of virtue in me, but to be honest, they weren’t growing much. I preferred my own way in practically everything. My husband was a patient man those first few years of our marriage. I loved God, but I also loved to be in control. And, as many know, there’s only one Person in control. It was a difficult lesson to learn that it wasn’t me! It took us two years to conceive – a short time for so many, but a long time for this woman who thought she had control over everything. Then I had six children in less than nine years. Number seven followed five years later. My first lesson of Who was actually in control!

I had longed for the day when I would be a mother. Once I was, I found that motherhood wasn’t exactly like I thought it would be. My babies and I didn’t sit around playing afternoon tea and basking in each other’s glow all day. I spent the days, like most moms, wiping up crumbs, making meals, doing laundry, and correcting behavior. I learned how to keep a home and keep the chaos to a minimum. I was happy, and the children were delightful (well, most of the time), but I struggled with loneliness and emptiness - a feeling of “Is this all there is - wiping bottoms, faces, and crumbs?”

I was a little envious when my husband went off into the big exciting world of work, fancy lunches, work travel, and a paycheck. (Little did I know how much my husband missed me and the children and would have much rather been home. Men often don’t communicate that need.)

So, I spent my early mothering days just managing and keeping my head above water until the next day when we would get up and do it all over again. It seemed boring and monotonous without much of a connection to my soul.

When I was pregnant with my fourth child, God blessed me with an opportunity to go on a retreat where I first heard the message that we all have an individual call from God – a vocation – that is the path to our holiness. For some, it is a call to the single life, for others it is the call to marriage and motherhood – for all, it is a call to sanctify our lives and offer up our days as a prayer to our Heavenly Father. Having already discerned that God had called me to marriage and motherhood, the message of St. Josemaria Escriva gave that call to motherhood texture and meaning. I saw how my faith and my vocation could and should be unified. My marriage and motherhood were the path to my sanctity.

It was kind of like that moment in “The Wizard of Oz” when Dorothy opens the door to munchkin land – suddenly my day became technicolor and purposeful. Motherhood had new meaning for me. I saw how my motherhood was God’s call to me to bring these children into the world teaching them to love and honor Him, forming them in human and supernatural virtues, and living the corporal and spiritual works of mercy every day in the haven of my home.

This vocation meant that I was privileged and entrusted by God to create a happy, joy-filled home for my husband and children. A place where all were safe, respected, loved, and accepted. And I could make every day, all day, a prayer to my God.

I also realized that when I stand before God, He will ask if I fulfilled His mission for me by living, embracing, and loving my vocation well.

First and foremost, embracing my vocation as a mother and wife meant loving their father well. Forgiving 70 X 7 times, letting go of resentments and dying to myself for him so that we could bring this little family of ours to Heaven’s gates one day. All this with a sacrificial love I never imagined I was capable of.

I love being a mom. I loved the giggles and the make believe. I loved the look in their eyes when they realized they could read. I loved hearing the practice of the many instruments they played, and I loved their hugs, kisses, and ‘I love you, mom’. But I found in my new discovery of vocation that God was counting on me for more than just teaching basic life skills to my children. He was counting on me to love this man and these children as He loved them. No one else had that responsibility/gift as I did. And I knew early on, that it would be impossible to love like that without the support and grace of a deep faith.

John 15:4, “Remain in me, as I remain in you. Just as a branch cannot bear fruit on its own unless it remains on the vine, so neither can you unless you remain in me.”

I wasn’t capable of that kind of love on my own. Only with taking my faith seriously and beginning a daily prayer life could I receive the grace and gifts from the Holy Spirit to live out this new life of motherhood. I always thought I had a good relationship with Jesus and Our Lady, but it was passive. To live the life He called me to live, I had to be proactive in deepening my love and knowledge of the life of Jesus Christ – to learn how He loved.

I began to go to mass more often during the week. I picked up the rosary again and spent time reading about the saints and understanding my faith. Most of all, I discovered that there was a woman in me that I didn’t know existed. God knew her. He was patiently waiting for her, and He gave me the path of motherhood and marriage to help me find her – find my true self.

As Michelangelo said, “The sculpture is already complete within the marble block, before I start my work. It is already there I just have to chisel away the superfluous material.”

God is the Divine Sculptor. Through my vocation, He chiseled away at my bad habits, my lack of virtue, and revealed the beauty of a better woman.

Suffering is the chiseling that brings about the joy of the magnificent statue. But for that to happen I had to accept the blows. Sometimes the blows were little annoyances of the day with the children – disciplining, potty training, and developing patience for what sometimes seemed like a very long day. At other times the chiseling resulted in great chunks of marble coming off through major marital issues, money issues, and serious illness. I had a choice to either live the life I had before – dwelling on myself and my own happiness while accepting the loneliness and monotony without any redeeming value, or I could choose to live my days united with my faith, giving my day meaning and fulfillment here and in God’s master plan.

The more I stopped resisting the refinement of the sculpting, the more I could see the woman I was called to be.

Through the vocation of motherhood, not only has God given me the grace, along with my husband, to form our beautiful children, but also the grace to let Him form me. To learn to be tender, patient, forgiving, and less anxious. Rather than mundane and life-less, motherhood was my journey towards God.

So, dear daughter, my prayer for you is that you open yourself up to hear God’s call for you. Spend time in prayer – just you and your God. Ask Him to reveal to you His path of sanctity for you. If it is to the single life (either for now or for forever), what a blessing and joy you will be to those around you! You can embrace your tender, caring, nurturing heart and become a spiritual mother to nieces, nephews, and friends. Let your vocation challenge you to connect more deeply with God and those around you.

Did my motherhood shape my faith, or rather, did my faith shape my motherhood? I’m not sure I have the answer, but after that retreat when I understood that I wasn’t just marking time here, that I had a mission from God, I knew that when I embraced my vocation with a joy and fervor I had not done before, vocation and faith worked together to change me and to grow in virtue and love.

Seek His mission for you. Embrace the woman you were meant to be as she emerges from the block of marble.

Let your vocation change you. Let the sorrows and contradictions of each day challenge your weaknesses and cultivate your virtues. See in your vocation, in your feminine genius, how fulfilling the days can be when you have a supernatural outlook and offer your day to God.

With Great Affection & Prayers

Janet

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Smartphone wallpaper with quote from Janet Quinlan: “Let your vocation change you… See in your vocation, in your feminine genius, how fulfilling the days can be when you have a supernatural outlook and offer your day to God. “

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Questions for Your Reflection:

What do you love about your vocation?
What parts of this letter encourage you?
What prayer habits help you have a supernatural outlook and offer your day to God?
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