For the Tenderhearted
Letter from Erin Jobes
Photo by Chelsey Shortman
My sisters in Christ,
As a young woman who is juggling work, school, volunteering, and raising a puppy, life is filled with emotions. I often feel overwhelmed or stressed by the day's tasks, and when the day is done I am overjoyed when I am finished with all I needed to do. I also am, in general, a very emotional person. I cry at Hallmark movies, I cry during the consecration of the host at Mass, I cry when I'm happy, frustrated, sad, angry. I cry a lot. While crying is often seen as a sign of weakness and lack of emotional stability, I believe that showing these strong emotions can make us better reflectors of Jesus.
On my 17th birthday, June 5th, I got home from a shopping trip with my best friend to my mom with teary eyes. My grandfather had fallen again. This time he needed to go to the hospital. I could tell my mom was scared, her dad was hurt and we lived halfway across the country from my grandparents' home in Missouri. My mom asked for us to pray for him, and that was the end of the discussion for the day. Over the course of June, we had a flow of updates on my grandfather's condition. First, I was told he was just old, then suddenly he had Alzheimer's, then he was put in a psych ward unnecessarily, then finally we were able to get him into a hospice center for around the clock care. Each time we got an update I saw the water well up in my mom's eyes, and I knew we were looking at the end of my grandfather's life.
One July day, I got a call from my mom asking if I wanted to drive 14 hours with her to visit my grandfather, after she had read the life expectancy statistics when in hospice. So off we went from Virginia to Missouri, to see a completely different grandfather than who I remembered from my childhood.
Walking through the hall of the hospice center, we came up to a nurse's desk. I could have spotted those blue eyes anywhere, but I didn't recognize the body of who I was looking at. The tall, strong, Catholic gentleman who was the role model of who I hope to marry was a fragile, easily bruised man who wouldn't recognize me if I had a name tag on.
I was already crushed to see a loved one looking so hurt and ill, but then my mom introduced me as his granddaughter and his eyes lit up, "I have a granddaughter?" Seeing the love in his eyes, and his anxiousness to stand up and hug me brought me to tears. What might have hurt me more, was seeing the misery in my mom's eyes, knowing her father was near the end.
Barely three weeks after that visit, my grandfather passed away. My family took another trip to Missouri for his funeral, and this time, I forced myself to be my mom's strength. She was distraught and I felt I needed to be strong for her. I needed my mom to be okay before I allowed myself to not be okay. While I don't recommend not allowing yourself to grieve right away, there is something to be said about wishing your loved ones to be happy, and wishing their pain would go away when they are suffering. Through this entire experience, I realized that as my world was crumbling, all I had left to lean on was God. I couldn’t lean on my mom, siblings, or even my best friend due to their own losses and struggles. There was no one left to turn to but God, and that changed everything about my relationship with Him. I got through the thick of it, I came out the other side laughing and living life again. Because I let God into the deepest wound on my soul, He was able to work in me to bring me out of that darkness before I fell into despair.
Handwritten quote from Erin Jobes
Caring deeply, doesn’t necessarily make us weak, it makes us human. And this instinct to feel each other’s sorrows deeply and exclaim in each other’s joys is not just something that makes us human , it can make us better Catholics. Think of the Seven Sorrows of Mary, how she must have been deeply wounded herself just by watching the happenings of her Son’s Passion. Think about the joy shared between her and Elizabeth during the Visitation! That joy infected her to her soul to the point where she exclaimed, “My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior…” (Luke 1:46-47) Our emotions can bring us closer to the Lord.
Emotions are not our enemy. If ordered toward love, our emotions can be ways in which we are drawn closer to Christ. Through empathy, we can better love our friends, family, and even those strangers we may not agree with. We are told in Romans to “rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” (Romans 12:15) Think of when Jesus, saw the woman weeping, how he was moved, troubled, and wept with her at the loss of their friend. As we are called to be like Christ, we are also called to be ourselves as God made us. So if you, like me, feel others’ pain and joy deeper than most, take heart, because our tenderheartedness is just what The Body of Christ needs. May we always use our compassionate hearts to bring others closer to Jesus, now and forever.
In Christ,
Erin Jobes
About the Writer: Erin Jobes
Erin Jobes is an 18 year old who, after finding herself feeling alone in high school, decided to look for God, and ultimately was confirmed into the Catholic Church in May of 2018. Her passion for her faith and gift of writing, led her to pursue God's Will in starting a blog called The Holy Grounds Blog. When she isn't creating content for her blog, she can be found volunteering and freelance writing for pro-life organizations, sipping an iced mocha, or cuddling up with her sweet pup Cali. To read more about Erin and her blog, visit The Holy Grounds Blog.com.
