Letter from Sagra Alvarado

Woman sits in a chapel and reads a bible.

Photo by Chelsey Shortman

Dear friend,

When I said yes to marry my fiancé on December 26, 2019, nothing could have prepared me for all the challenges that would come between my engagement and when we say “I do” in December 2020.

Between juggling social distancing policies and finding suitable reception venues, I realized my family in Mexico would not be able to come to my wedding. It has been a struggle to accept that some of the traditions that I wanted to have at our wedding, like having my godparents place the wedding lasso around my fiancé and me, are no longer possible. However, the biggest question looming in my mind has been if we will be able to have any guests at all due to the uncertainty of the pandemic. While grappling with these big “what-ifs” tragedy struck my family when my grandfather died suddenly.

My grandfather was a struggling cancer patient, and while we realized he would likely not survive the year, his death came unexpectedly this past June. When my mother called to tell me the news of his death, I felt my heart break. My grandfather was suspected to have COVID-19 so he was placed in isolated care, where he died alone – and in the end, he did not have the coronavirus. Tears of anger, sadness, and frustration came over me as I carried so much unfortunate news in my heart. “This is not fair! He was a good man, he deserved a more dignified death. I didn’t get to say goodbye! He didn’t get to even meet my fiancé!”

One thought after another kept rolling into my mind. Even in her own grief, my mother consoled me saying that my grandfather would be able to attend my wedding in spirit, without the pain and without any suffering. As prayers and masses were said in memory of my grandfather, I realized how everything must return to Christ – our souls, our desires, our fears, everything.

The women’s group at my parish has been a huge support during this tumultuous time. We pray the Divine Mercy chaplet together and we just finished our summer study on the women in the Bible. While talking about whether we are more like Martha or Mary, I’ve found immense comfort in this group of women who share similar tendencies as me and help me realize that I am not alone. We’ve bonded over our quest to be in control of our lives, plan every single detail, and then our frustration when things don’t turn out as we hoped. Above all, we’ve connected over our immense longing to find our place in God’s plan as we seek female role models in the Church who we can identify with in our stages of life.

As I continue to search for inner peace as a bride juggling many uncertainties, I asked one of my mentors, “Do you have any spiritual advice for a bride preparing for her wedding during the pandemic?” She responded, “I know this is not what you planned, a global pandemic, for your wedding. I would tell Jesus all your thoughts and feelings about that. I’m sure there’s some disappointment, some fear, some anger, I would tell Him everything. And then I would just, as your friend, tell you that the Lord’s plans are greater than what we could ask for or imagine.”

My heart beamed as my mentor said these beautiful, comforting words to me. Once again, I found myself with the same invitation to bring it back to the better portion – Christ. I find myself now trying to make sure that in every request, thanksgiving, and grievance, I bring it to Christ. This season has challenged me to take each thought to Christ, and trust that He cares about my life as my friend, my father, and my savior.

I recently watched the Chosen series, and in particular, I watched the episode of Christ performing the miracle at the wedding of Cana. I looked at this miracle in a new way as a bride preparing for her wedding. I found it interesting that Christ’s miracle was to turn water into wine because the couple had run out of their own. Prior to preparing my own wedding, I didn’t think much of this detail, but now it means so much to me. I can relate to the pressure that the newlyweds must have felt as they wanted to please their guests as I struggle to meet all the social distancing regulations expected of me.

Christ cares about it all. He cares about the pressure I feel as a bride. He cares about the pain I feel over my grandfather’s death. He was with me at the chapel during adoration as I sought peace in my uncertainty, and He’ll be there walking alongside me down the aisle when I meet my fiance’ – no matter what state the world is in. The advice from my mentor to bring all my anxieties to the Lord reminded me of Christ’s invitation to Martha to choose the better portion. While I still carry my fears about the future, I carry greater confidence in my heart that Christ cares about my hopes and dreams, and His plans are better than my own.

Pax,

Sagra

Handwritten quote from the writer. (Photo by Chelsey Shortman)

Photo of Mary Kate

About the Writer: Sagra Alvarado is a young professional in Washington, DC, after earning her Ed.M. in International Education Policy from Harvard in 2018. In her personal time, Sagra enjoys writing and has published articles as a freelance writer for Verily Magazine. Sagra is also a Beautycounter consultant, and seeks to advocate clean beauty for women, so women can feel beautiful both inside and out. She seeks to grow deeper in her Catholic faith through fellowship and enjoys leading the Women’s Group at her local parish. Ask her any question about Tolkien literature, and you’ll get an hour-long lecture.