Letter from Samantha Moore

Songwriter, Samantha Moore, seeks to surrender to God’s will for her life.

Photo by Te Nguyen

Dear sisters in Christ,

Growing up, I was afraid to fail. I was completely afraid to admit when I was wrong, to lose a game of backyard baseball, a family game of monopoly, the list goes on. At times my fear of failure would actually stop me from experiencing new opportunities. If there was a chance I wouldn't succeed, I just wouldn't do it. I felt that my worth was held in my success. If I won then I would be praised and if I was praised then that meant I was loved and good. It is a terrible way to live.

As a singer who writes her own music, there’s a lot of risk involved. My band writes worship music, and for me, sharing what I have created takes a lot of vulnerability. Creating a song is like creating a window to the heart. The listeners get a little glimpse of the inner workings of the writer’s soul. I wrote a lot in college, but for years after college I avoided songwriting because it is hard, but also because of that fear.

Last year things changed. Through a lot of affirmation and prayer, I realized in a deeper way that I am actually glorifying God when I sing and write music. He is calling me to creatively use the gifts He has given me to make a difference in the world, to draw people close to Him. If I let fear stop me, then I am saying no to God. I am letting fear win.

Last year during Lent, I decided to make the musical gift God gave me a real priority. I was tired of hiding from God, and not putting in the hard work. I had no excuses left. I went into my bedroom, grabbed my notebook, a pencil and my guitar. My soul was restless. Fears about my life and my future were starting to creep in my mind and causing a spiraling trail of damaging thoughts. Why am I getting worked up? Why can I not let go of what I want? I knew I needed to call out in song at that moment. I sat down on my bed and I let my soul cry to God. Words and a melody started flowing out of me. It was as if God had perfectly planted a song in my heart. It came out of the deepest cavity of my heart. This was the song my soul was singing for such a long time, and I finally surrendered to it. I finally let it out. The song ‘Jesus I Trust in You’ came out of this time with the Lord.

Jesus I trust in You

Help me to trust in You

Jesus I trust

Oh God I trust in You

The lyrics of the chorus speak deeply to my fears. Trusting in Jesus is simple, yet it can be so hard. The message of the Divine Mercy has resonated with me for a while, and repeating the prayer ‘Jesus, I trust in You’ often helps me refocus. It helps me shift my mind back to my relationship with Jesus. I struggle with trusting Jesus because I like control, and I fear the unknown. I know Jesus doesn’t want me to live a miserable life, but sometimes as an unmarried Catholic woman in her late 20’s, trusting in God’s plan seems impossible. Questions regarding my vocation and future life often riddle my mind. How is God using me? What if what I want is not what God wants? What if I pick the wrong path? When I find myself filled with fear and worrying in that way I have to stop myself because I know that my worth and my value is in Jesus Christ alone, and if I have a relationship with Jesus, then I have everything. I was recently in a conversation with a friend about my fears. I was sharing how I feel stuck, and how I can’t see God using me. My friend’s response was so wise. “God doesn’t want to use you. He wants to love you and be in relationship with you.” These words were striking to me, because I was so fixated on letting God use me that I forgot the number one requirement. Let Jesus love me!! Of course God uses us to glorify Him throughout the world, but my friend was making a point. First and foremost Jesus just wants to love us and be with us. Of course I can trust Him!

Your love is greater than all my fears (repeat)

The bridge is probably my favorite part of the song. It is simply one line that repeats over and over, but it is extremely powerful. It puts my fears in perspective. There is no fear that could be greater than God’s love. His love is greater than anything I could ever face. This gives me peace.

I felt so free writing for the Lord. It was as if my soul was exhaling everything that was in my heart. My emotions, desires, pains, joys, dreams. I brought the song to my band, we polished it up and used it to lead worship at an event. During the worship event, I was nervous, but mostly ready to see God work through the music. The time came for us to play “Jesus I Trust in You '' and the Monstrance with the Eucharist was processing around the Church. People were moving their bodies to the end of the pews so that they could reach out and get closer to Jesus.

I could not prepare myself for what happened next. The Holy Spirit was clearly moving while we worshiped. You could feel the change in the air. You could feel the power of the Holy Spirit! People were praying, crying out to God, drawing near to Him through the song that God used me to write. I saw God take my suffering, and transform it into healing. My struggles and pain, God was able to take it all and use it for others. The feeling of fear, and an unknown future is excruciating for me at times. It is painful, but God is able to use that for others, and I was blessed to witness that first hand while we worshiped as a community to a song I wrote. Through my hard times, God was able to take a song and bring His presence into people’s hearts. Hearts were drawn into the Lord’s most Holy presence, and people were singing the lyrics that came from my heart. We were raising our voices as one to the Lord. I was amazed by God. God was clearly showing me the power of surrendering to Him in the unknown.

Since that first night of worshiping with ‘Jesus I Trust in You’ many people have expressed how much it comforts them, gives them peace, draws them closer to Jesus. Each time someone tells me how much the song means to them, I am reminded of why that song exists, and what happens when I trust God. It is also a reminder for me to put in the work. Songs are not just going to write themselves. God wants us to stretch ourselves and hone our gifts. Sisters, when we use our gifts and abilities to glorify God, people’s hearts turn to Jesus. This is big. It is not by our power, but only through the power of the Holy Spirit. Let Him move through you. Don’t be afraid. Our relationship with Jesus is number one. That is what defines who we are. It is so important for me to remember when I am writing music that I am doing it as an expression of my relationship with Jesus. Creating worship music is not my identity. My identity is a child of God. Friendship with Jesus is number one, and from that comes living for Him. This is freeing! I don’t have to be perfect, and praise the Lord for that because that is an impossible goal to reach. I am learning that I don’t need to know the answers to my tough questions right now in order to be a disciple of Jesus. He wants to use me right now, as I am. I don’t have to have everything perfectly figured out. He is calling me to act now, even if there is a chance I could fail. He is calling me to trust.

Failing is important. Failing is part of growth. I have failed many times in songwriting. I have a bunch of voice memo recordings on my phone with song ideas, and I am guessing some of them are not the best, but that is ok! God isn’t asking me to be successful, He is asking me to love Him. He is asking me to be His friend. I can’t let my failure stop me from creating. If I do that, I am saying no to God. When I let go of fear and focus on my identity in Jesus, I am able to use the gifts he has given me for His glory! The time to trust God is now. The time to let Jesus’ light and love transform you and shine through you is now. Don’t fear. We will fail at times, but we will always be loved by the King of the universe! This quote from Mother Angelica has stayed with me for the last couple of years as a reminder of how to live out our lives as Catholic women. “I’m not afraid to fail, because I’ve always learned something when I’ve failed. I’ll tell you what I’m afraid of- and when I think about it I break into a cold sweat – I’m scared to death of dying and having the Lord say to me, ‘Angelica, this is what you might have done had you trusted more.’ I’m petrified of that.” Ladies, let us follow our dear sister, Mother Angelica, and remember to trust. If we trust God with the gifts he has given us, there is no telling where He will move.

God bless,

Sammie

Photo of Samantha

About the Writer: Samantha Moore, Sammie for short, is a family loving, youth minister and worship leader from New Hampshire. She enjoys a good hot cup of tea. You can find her in the kitchen baking sweet treats, watching sports, playing soccer and spending time outside in the beautiful New England summers. Her favorite activity is leading worship with her band, Here On Earth worship. To find more about their music go to hereonearthworship.com.