Facing Vulnerability: Growing From the Wisdom of My Mentors
Letter from Jackie Machina
Photo by Ngelah
Dear reader,
Can I be honest with you? If I could, I would stay right where I am and never leave my comfort zone, but that wouldn’t be living the life God has called me to live. Opening myself up to share part of my story isn’t the most comfortable thing to do. It’s certainly not comfortable admitting our weaknesses either, but that is when growth begins. As women, it can be easy to believe the lie that vulnerability is a sign of weakness, but what we think and what we feel are valuable tools with which we see the world. A big theme in my life story so far involves God nudging me to be brave and vulnerable - at the same time.
Currently, I am a graduate student completing a master’s degree in teaching. I’ve wanted to be a teacher since I was a little girl. This next school year, I will be teaching a class of my very own, something that would not be possible without the supportive women mentors God has placed in my life. My graduate program has taught me a lot about the growth that comes from being vulnerable, open, and reflective with others. During my program, I was blessed with a generous mentor teacher and a kind supervisor. Both women are former teachers with a passion for teaching and fostering future teachers. Through the conversations we had after my observations, they shared what I did well and what I could improve on. They shared stories from their own teaching experiences and I found the support and inspiration I needed from listening to these two teaching veterans. These conversations reminded me of the times in the Bible when people sat and listened to Jesus. The woman at the well (John 4:4–42) has become a particular source of inspiration for me during this graduate school process. She comes to the well without expecting to meet Jesus, but when she stops and listens to Him, it changes everything for her. When I opened my heart up to my mentors and saw what God could do through them, it filled me up with hope. I’m learning that no matter what stage of life we are in, we all have something to offer and receive from those around us.
I have guided and supported children in various church activities and jobs before, but learning to use my teacher voice was a challenge. Starting out as an upcoming teacher in someone else's classroom is not easy since the students may view you as a substitute, you appear younger than the rest of the staff, and you are only in the classroom for part of the school year. After my first observation, my supervisor said I needed to improve my "teacher voice". Everyone knows what that sounds like, clear, direct, and confident. I'm someone who takes time to open up and feel comfortable in new situations. I also have a softer voice, which my mentor acknowledged, but I knew that I could be loud when I wanted to be– my family and friends certainly know this to be true.
As my internship went on, I became more comfortable being in front of the kids and more familiar with the content I was teaching. My mentors also encouraged me to give myself time because new teachers often find their voice after getting more experience under their belt.
When I looked at these two women I could see my future. They shared stories about the mistakes they've made, how they learned so many things when they started out. My mentor teacher even shared how she used to have a quieter voice, but teaching in the classroom and becoming a parent helped her develop her teaching voice. Their support never denied that I had a voice, but they knew I could be better. My mentors affirmed me in ways that helped me to know my own strengths and improve my weaknesses, without ever making me feel defeated.
Because I was willing to be vulnerable, I could allow myself to use their feedback and appreciate their support. This attitude helped me develop my teacher voice and I felt myself improving with each observation. Weeks passed and by my next observation, my supervisor noted the changes in myself. Confidence in my voice came from following their advice, giving myself time and putting it into practice. I'm still developing as a teacher and finding my voice but I know I will succeed because my mentors saw the potential in me.
To me, being a Catholic woman means sharing your gifts and stories as well as listening to the wisdom of those around you. Jesus speaks to me through the many kind, faith-filled women and mentors in my life. We each have our own experiences, especially those of us in the education field, but those experiences can be put to good use when we share them.
Reflecting on the words of Jesus in Matthew 5:13-16, “Just so, your light must shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your heavenly Father”, and the feedback I receive from the mentors in my life taps into a need God has placed in my heart: to be my best self, to shine my light, to seek holiness. One day, I want to be a source of support for other teachers too. Maybe that is one way that God can use my experiences, both good and bad, to help another teacher feel seen.
Handwritten quote from the writer
To any woman who feels uncertain with her voice, however that looks, Jesus will guide you towards the people you need if you let Him. Opening your mind and heart to receive support from others is worth the risk of vulnerability. Let God use other women to lead you out of your comfort zone because that is where true growth takes place. Look for ways you can be a mentor to other women in your life, career, or community as well. It truly makes a difference when you share your stories and experiences, even the tough days that taught you important lessons. No matter what your age, God can use you to touch someone else’s life in ways you would never expect. He sees the goodness and potential inside of us, and sometimes we just need a little extra encouragement to come out and shine light into this dark world. In this time of uncertainty, I hold onto the words of Jesus and then look to all of the women who have gone before me. Receiving their wisdom and love gives me the courage to pursue my dreams despite the many unknowns.
Know that I am praying for you,
Jackie Machina
About the Writer: Jackie Machina is a recent graduate from St. Mary’s College of Maryland where she earned her Master of Arts in Teaching degree and elementary education certification. She is originally from Pennsylvania, but has come to love Maryland as her second home. She enjoys spending quality time with her people, watching movies, and hanging out in bookstores.The colorful and faithful lives of the Saints continue to inspire her daily. She looks forward to building relationships with her students and colleagues as she begins her teaching career this year.
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