Letter from Alejandra Mendoza

Dear Friends in Christ,

Years ago, while I was a youth leader at my local parish, I always convinced myself that I was in communion with God. I led students to know God on a personal level through youth nights and to grow spiritually within a Catholic community. In all those moments, I had the privilege of ministering to the students, I felt empty. Despite serving those four years, I felt I hadn’t grown at all. I led these children with my heart closed to God. I struggled, instead, with seeking approval and purpose in my community, instead of fully pursuing Him. My heart was locked up, completely filled with anxiety and anger. I led these children with a blind eye and I failed them as a leader because although I taught them about God’s love for them and how to be faithful servants, I never truly embraced the teachings in my own life.

Around this time, I decided to travel to Spain by myself to visit an old family friend: a religious sister that my parents knew before I was even born. She taught my parents much about their faith, and they later passed on those teachings to me. I thought that it would be a great opportunity to learn from someone who knew so much about leadership and about God’s love. I also intended to learn much about Spain’s rich art culture while I was there. We planned to travel from one corner of Spain to the other and stop in different convents along the way, exploring the city and the different museums. So I eagerly packed my bags and set off on my journey not really knowing what to expect.

I was welcomed into every convent with love and a sense of community. I met sisters that were passionate about their work. I could see their vibrancy and the way they carried themselves showed me that they had learned something that I could not yet fully grasp: love. On one particular morning, I had a conversation with two other sisters about community and their gratitude for being in a space where they can fully serve God alongside their sisters. They said, “We find it happier here because this is how it will be like in heaven, without husband or wife but in a community of eternal love.” These women knew what it was like to lead, and to lead with a heart full of love; they served their community because they knew their calling and they knew they were ultimately serving God. They taught me that when you allow God to be at the center of your life, you will ultimately find peace and it will allow you to be open to His will for you in every decision you make. This peace is a gift that only He can provide, one that is continuously revealed when you cultivate a relationship with Him.

I came to know a sister that often visited inmates at a detention center near Madrid. One day, she got into a car accident on her way and broke her arm. Even after having to stop the visits, she continued to pray for the inmates and teach them about the Gospel from home. She knew the importance of teaching others about God’s infinite love for them and relied on God to guide her through the difficult moments in her life.

This trip allowed me to witness God's good works and gave me the tools I needed to help others realize God’s personal love for them. But out of bad habit, I was stuck in my old ways. I didn’t know what it felt like to be in a relationship with Him. I had a hard time changing my old way of life for one that I knew was going to lead to true joy and allow me to best lead others.

As I reflected on my time with the sisters, especially the sister who served the inmates in Madrid, I grew to understand that it was okay to rely on God for help, to let some of my independence go to cultivate a relationship in which I could ask for guidance in difficult situations or courage to continue leading others. As I began to let go of my independence and open my heart, I started to find peace. I attended lectures and joined a new faith study group that allowed me to learn how to cultivate my relationship with Him. I listened, prayed, and asked for peace within my heart to lead me and become part of my everyday life. I was able to build my own personal relationship with God and lay down a new foundation. I felt new. I learned that by following His will for me I was going to suffer along the way, but I knew that I had the strength to carry my cross and that gave me the courage to change the course of my path.

My purpose and sense of identity grew as I kept learning. I grew to understand that my purpose here on earth is to share this love and knowledge that I finally have. It may seem like a simple purpose but it became a source of my happiness once I finally had reached it.

During the course of my own learning, I was also teaching catechism classes, but I had a new attitude and a new sense of purpose. I guided my students this time with the right foundation and the right heart. God had shown me the perfect example during my time in Spain. I finally knew how the sisters had felt and the tremendous amount of love that they carried for leading their community towards Christ. I could now lead others similar to the way the sisters had done in their own community.

It is my hope that I can continue leading people to Him in every environment and aspect of my life, to show others true love and happiness in the person that created them. It is my mission as a Catholic to continue the Gospel mission and give glory to my Father.

With Love,

Alejandra Mendoza

Photo of Rachel Harkins Ullmann

About the Writer: Alejandra Mendoza is an art history student attending OCAD University in Toronto, Canada. She has a great passion for studying art periods such as the Renaissance and Surrealism. She aspires one day to spend her life researching and contributing to the art world professionally. She enjoys spending her free time volunteering at her local parish teaching conformandi candidates, binge watching Netflix shows, painting and spending time with family. She continues to seek out God's goodness in her everyday life, searching for his love to shine through every person she meets and one day show everyone God’s personal love for them.