Holiness Over Superficial Perfection: Lessons Learned from Catholic Social Media
Letter from Vanesa Zuleta Goldberg
Photo by Ramez E. Nassif
To my sisters in Christ,
I am not the Catholic woman who has had it all together. I am the type of individual that holds too many opinions, who is too loud, feels too deeply, and is constantly trying to get this “faith thing” right. I think that before social media, I knew I was somewhat an outsider in general, but it was once I joined that I felt that thought was perpetuated even more -- and not just by me, but by others, as well.
At the start of my social media journey, I ran into an issue. I began to notice that some of the women I followed negatively influenced the manner in which I saw myself, both as a Daughter of Christ and as a woman in general. Through these posts in my feed, I came to see myself as the absolute opposite of what it meant to be a holy woman. I never lived up to the model of faith and life that they so perfectly curated on social media. And worse yet, it seemed like as hard as I tried to find spaces to heal from this, I was always surrounded by this same feeling: that I was deficient and unholy compared to these apparent exemplars of the faith.
It was with every Instagram highlight reel of another person’s life, and with every “like” on a pretty picture posted to Facebook with an out-of-context Bible verse that I felt as if I could never be holy enough, pretty enough, or put together enough to love Jesus the way I was being shown online. I struggled to fit into this narrative of what it meant to be a Catholic woman; my spiritual life looked more like a wrestling match with God than simple submissiveness. I would read posts about how these women were not “perfect”, and yet everything they shared, posted, and spoke about on social media created a narrative that pursuing holiness means being perfect. But once in a while, the “imperfect” post would happen, as if almost on some schedule to stay “real” with their followers. When this was all I saw, when my entire feed was full with this “becoming holy means being perfect at all times”, I tried everything I could to mirror that in my life. Yet, in many ways, I couldn’t spiritually and even financially afford that level of holiness that Catholic women on Instagram portray. It was a type of holiness that fit the context of well-off, white, thin women, who wore the perfect tailored outfits and had enough time to make cookies every night but also never seem to gain weight. Yet, here I was the Latina who never was good with fashion, was at least 165+ pounds at 5’1 (body rolls for days), who was on an antidepressant, needed consistent therapy to socially function, and had an absolute mess of a spiritual life because of anxiety and my own scrupulosity in regard to my sins. And as a result, I was completely isolated from my faith, because it seemed as if God wouldn’t want the messy and the ugly that seemed to characterize my life on a daily basis. He would only want the perfectly curated highlight reel of life encounters, coupled with Bible verses, pretty prayers, and “empowering” quotes that I thought would make me worthy of His love. I suddenly found myself deeply intertwined with this lie, and I have let it control my life for a long time, as it governed the ways in which I have even allowed God to love me.
There have been too many times when I want to run from the sights of others in the Church, because I am ashamed to be at the foot of the Cross, at the foot of the Altar, because I am deemed to be unclean. Too often, I feel the need to hide and scrub off the stains of my sins, despite the graces of confessions, despite the redeeming message of mercy, because others within the Church glance down at me with their own perceived judgments, claiming that I am not good enough for the salvation of the Cross. It doesn’t matter how many rosaries I pray, how many retreats I lead, how many worship nights I attend, or the fact that I even work for the Church - if I am not holy enough for them, then I am seen as not even holy enough for Him.
And somehow, that seems to dig deeper within me and make me believe that it is in fact true.
There are too many days to count where I want to just keep running from His love. There are too many instances when someone who is Catholic has called me out, not in charity or in love, but with hatred and told me that I am unworthy. There are too many long nights when words ring over and over in my mind, when the Devil manipulates those encounters and keeps taunting me that I am not even close to being a Daughter of the Beloved. There are too many times that I have cried and too many times that I have exhausted the well of my heart dry.
Sisters, today I condemn that lie. I am enough for Him. We are enough for Him. In fact, He DELIGHTS in us.
My passion in life has always been geared towards youth ministry. I love working with young people and I truly believe their voices are prophetic. One of the common themes I see in my conversations with them daily through my work is that they too have fallen for this lie - members of the Church have convinced them that they are not enough for Christ - that they are not worthy of mercy or grace. My mission is to work to condemn this lie. To abolish it and to champion what often seems to be a lost message in our Church: that the Good News of the Gospel is that, DESPITE our sin, we are made WORTHY of such great grace and mercy. Too often we end up idolizing the voices of others and forget that our salvation has already been won by the Cross of our SAVIOR.
When I find myself wanting to run from the very Body of Christ that should be inviting me even closer to His heart, I remind myself that His heart will always beckon me closer. From my work in ministry, I’ve found that many of our younger sisters in Christ believe this lie that they are not made worthy enough for grace or mercy, and that they will never be able to run to His heart because they are constantly told by women within our very own faith circles that if they don’t act a certain way, dress a certain way, come from a certain lifestyle, speak a certain way, pray a specific way, and so on, that Christ will not love them. I have seen this all too often, and the cost of this lie is devastating. Too many of our sisters have run far from His heart and refuse to come back, not because they don’t believe in Him - but because those who follow Him lift up this lie and idolize it. This is an uncomfortable truth that we must face and comfort and abolish. This is a truth that we all secretly know to be true, and too many of us have come into contact with it but we do not want to talk about it for fear of being removed from the inner circles.
But sisters - we are the Body of Christ. We are called to be abandoned of ourselves and to love those around us in a way that draws them deeper into His grace and mercy. We are called to create spaces where everyone is welcomed, where the Body of Christ is truly represented. That has been my biggest goal with my own personal social media creating a space where any Catholic women can come to and see a part of themselves represented in the narrative there, and where they aren’t left feeling the way I felt after viewing other accounts: disillusioned and depressed about how I was not holy enough.
I want you my sisters to always know that you are welcomed at the table, no matter who you are. My feed is not something I curate weekly to make sure I get my followers; rather my goal is to post stories, pictures, narratives that allow for anyone to read and know that they are seen, heard, and loved. I recently started an IGTV series called “The Woman Series” for this very reason: to create a space that lifted up the voices of women who were also on this journey towards holiness, and who I knew were going to be real about that journey. And those conversations have been some of the best conversations I have had with Catholic women on social media. They give me great hope that there will be more space made for others in our community of Catholic women online, and that true representation of all different types of Catholic women may occur.
Handwritten quote from the writer
Sisters, there are moments when we become those voices --the voices that turn others to run further away. I know there are moments when the Lord has revealed that to me. It's a harsh reality to face at times, but our own humanity is flawed and in His grace and mercy, He reveals these flaws to us to transform them into encounters of redemption. If we have caught ourselves causing that pain to another, let us come to the cross and seek forgiveness and be once more redeemed. If we are to be the Body of Christ, if we are to be His hands and His feet, let us truly embrace a humility that calls us to an ever-changing conversion - one that transforms us daily to better love the other - one that draws us out of ourselves and allows us to draw others closer to His redemptive heart.
That is grace, sisters. That is mercy.
-Vanesa
About the Writer: Vanesa Zuleta Goldberg has worked in youth ministry for 13 years - as a youth minister, Franciscan Youth Volunteer, worship leader, and speaker. She received her Bachelors in Theology at Providence College concentrating on the gift that young people are to the Church, and she continued to develop that thought while getting her Masters in Theology and Ministry from Boston College School of Theology and Ministry, concentrating on how a Pentecost revival is occurring with the lives of Latino/a youth in the Catholic Church. From talking about relationships, understanding sex as healthy and holy, coffee vs. wine, Beyonce’s newest album, and Gods role in our entire lives, Vanesa hopes to provide the space that empowers a relationship with Christ within on-going conversions.
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Pray about it: Take a moment to thank God for making us each worthy of His grace and mercy. Thank Him for winning our salvation for us.
Write about it: What aspects of social media do you struggle with? How do you seek to balance your use of social media and avoid comparison. (You can also visit our interview series, Finding Freedom From Comparison to read more on this topic.)
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