Finding Friends Wherever God Has You
Letter from Caroline Owens
Photo by Chelsey Shortman
My dear sisters,
During the spring term of second grade, my parents were thrilled that I was finally off the waitlist and able to attend the Catholic school near our home. Even all those years ago, I remember being the new kid at school, feeling alone and outcasted, desiring the simplest gesture of friendship from a peer. I wish I could say that the kids were nice to me and included me in their circles, but that wasn’t the case. If I’m going to be completely honest, those remaining six years of grade school were brutal. I never seemed to find my place and because of that I began to believe that I had to be someone I wasn’t, hoping to at least have a few relationships that resembled friendships.
The years of insecurity that were built up in grade school as the new girl became overwhelming, as I was told that I would have to attend the public high school instead of the private school all my “friends” were attending. But if I did it before, I knew I could do it again, and this time I decided to approach it as a fresh start. I put on a brave face and walked through the doors of my 5,000 person high school with hope that I would find my people, my bridesmaids, my best friends for life.
I joined the swim team hoping they would be my people, then the TV program, the rowing team, student government, church group, the list went on. Don’t get me wrong, I really liked all the people in my life, but something didn’t seem right. As I dove into new passions and met new people, I began to learn the real me. I was excited to share that with others, but because I was giving myself to so many people, I was only ever able to give pieces away at a time. It became tiring and all I desired was for someone to know all of me.
Once I got to college, and after the camp-like feeling faded away and the homesick feeling creeped in, my hope began to lessen. It was much harder to make friends than I imagined and I was tempted to settle in my friendships once again. However, I persevered and turned my fears into prayers, asking God to place women before me that would see me and love me for all that I am. Since I wasn’t satisfied in the relationships I was forming from my dorm or my classes, I took a leap of faith and went through sorority recruitment. It was something totally out of my comfort zone but I knew that if I was going to ask God to bring women into my life, I had to put effort toward building community.
While it seemed that God was working very slowly during my middle school and high school years, as soon as I joined my sorority, He did not waste any time in fulfilling my desires. During one of our first sorority meetings I sat next to this sweet girl named Amanda. I didn’t know anything about her, but decided to sit next to her because she always had a smile on her face. As we went around the circle introducing ourselves and sharing where we were from, Amanda shared that she went to a Catholic high school. At that moment I couldn’t help but laugh because there was no doubt in my mind that Jesus placed me next to Amanda to answer my prayer. I was so confident that this was the work of God that after the meeting I asked her to be my roommate for the following year. I say it was a Holy Spirit moment. Amanda has now been my roommate for three years, and in about a year, I will have the honor of standing next to her on her wedding day.
Amanda and I took time to truly get to know one another. Soon our conversations began to deepen and our casual chats on the way to class turned into late night talks about our families and the way we were raised. Those talks turned into discussions about our faith and morals and the struggles we faced in high school and now striving to live out our faith in college. It wasn’t overnight that we were having these conversations. We would spend time cooking dinner together, going to chapter together, doing a bible study together and it was in the intentional time spent together that we were able to share more of ourselves.
While our friendship was blooming, I came to learn that more and more women in my sorority were Catholic. The more time I spent in prayer, the clearer it became that my leap of faith in joining a sorority was exactly the door God was opening towards the community I always desired. As I witnessed the genuine progression of friendship with Amanda, I desired to cultivate that among the Christian women in my chapter and believed the best way to do so was to begin a Bible study within my sorority.
It started small and only a few attended, but our time spent together brought healing to the years of longing I experienced to be known fully. Not only were we gathering together each week for bible study, we were attending sorority events together, newman center nights and the sacraments regularly as friends. Just like my friendship with Amanda, the more time I shared with the women in my small group, the deeper our friendship grew and the more we were able to give of ourselves. Paul explains it best in 1 Thessalonians 2:8 as he shares, “With such affection for you, we were determined to share with you not only the gospel of God, but our very selves as well, so dearly beloved had you become to us.”
Handwritten quote from the writer
This, my sisters, is the key to cultivating community, loving the women in front of us enough to not only invite them to small group, Bible study and mass, but to share our very lives with them.
By the end of my time in college, I came to learn that there is purpose in where God has placed us. There is growth to be done, and it only becomes more beautiful and fruitful when we invite others into it. So wherever you are and whatever season you’re in, do not be afraid of the power of your presence. The heart of our faith is relationship with God, and it is through our earthly relationships that we are able to experience the smallest goodness of God’s heavenly friendship.
As I prepare to transition from college into my next stage of life, wherever that may take me, I am not afraid. I know that I can build community wherever I may be by simply sharing my own self with the women around me, and sisters, you can do the same.
Know of my prayers for you,
Caroline Rose Owens
About the Writer: Caroline Rose Owens is a recent college graduate from Ball State University where she studied public relations and event planning. She is a proud born and raised Hoosier and has come to embrace the simplicity of her story and how God desires to use her ordinariness to reveal His power. As the host of the SHE BELIEVED Podcast she aims to inspire and equip young adult women to live more freely into the women God created them to be. She spends her days drinking coffee, chatting with friends, and marveling at the work of the Lord. You can follow her on Instagram @carolineroseowens
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For Your Reflection:
Pray about it: Take a moment to reflect on the opportunities you have to form new friendships. Ask God to show you where He is calling you to cultivate community.
Talk about it: How do you share your very life with your friends? What are some ways you can still do this when you are unable to be with them in person?
Share your experiences by commenting below!